IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

#proportion #income #adults #children #items #uk
The table compares spending
money
 for British
adults
 and
children
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 4 common items,more specifically, food, electronic equipment,music and
videos
 in 1998. In general,it can be seen that,
while
adults
 spent most of their
money
 on food,
children
 spent most of their
money
 on music.
Moreover
,
adults
 and
children
 spent the lowest per cent of their budget on
videos
.
Women
 wasted 39% of their
money
 on food.
Boys
 used 9% of their budget.
Adults
 and
children
 spent 25% and 10% respectively.
Children
 disbursed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
23% on electronic equipment and spent more than others.
Boys
 spent 18% on
this
 category.
Adults
 and girls spent the same,5%. Men and
women
 wasted 10% and 1% on electronic equipment respectively. The highest percentage of music is in the girls, 40%
Adults
,men and
women
 disbursed the same, 5%.
Children
 spent 39% on
this
 item.
Boys
 spent 38% of their cash.
Women
 spent the lowest
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of their budget on
videos
, 0.5%.
Boys
 expended 18% of their
money
 on
videos
. Girls and
children
 spent 17% and 12% respectively.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Try to include a clearer introduction and conclusion to improve the overall structure of the essay.
logical structure
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence.
supported main points
Ensure that main points are elaborated sufficiently with supporting details.
complete response
Address the prompt more fully by covering all aspects and making comparisons clearer.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify ideas with more precise language and avoid repetition of percentages without additional context.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant specific examples from the data, particularly percentages for each category.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: