IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

#proportion #income #adults #children #items #uk
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The table compares spending
money
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 for British
adults
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 and
children
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in
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on
show examples
 4 common items,more specifically, food, electronic equipment,music and
videos
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 in 1998. In general,it can be seen that,
while
Linking Words
adults
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 spent most of their
money
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 on food,
children
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 spent most of their
money
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 on music.
Moreover
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,
adults
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 and
children
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 spent the lowest per cent of their budget on
videos
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.
Women
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 wasted 39% of their
money
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 on food.
Boys
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 used 9% of their budget.
Adults
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 and
children
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 spent 25% and 10% respectively.
Children
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 disbursed
to
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apply
show examples
23% on electronic equipment and spent more than others.
Boys
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 spent 18% on
this
Linking Words
 category.
Adults
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 and girls spent the same,5%. Men and
women
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 wasted 10% and 1% on electronic equipment respectively. The highest percentage of music is in the girls, 40%
Adults
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,men and
women
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 disbursed the same, 5%.
Children
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 spent 39% on
this
Linking Words
 item.
Boys
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 spent 38% of their cash.
Women
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 spent the lowest
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of their budget on
videos
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, 0.5%.
Boys
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 expended 18% of their
money
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 on
videos
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. Girls and
children
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 spent 17% and 12% respectively.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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introduction conclusion present
Try to include a clearer introduction and conclusion to improve the overall structure of the essay.
logical structure
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence.
supported main points
Ensure that main points are elaborated sufficiently with supporting details.
complete response
Address the prompt more fully by covering all aspects and making comparisons clearer.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify ideas with more precise language and avoid repetition of percentages without additional context.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant specific examples from the data, particularly percentages for each category.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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