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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #women #education #five #countries #years #features #comparisons
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The bar chart
serves
Verb problem
provides
show examples
 information about the percentage of women who
go
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 to higher education in five
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
countries between
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1980 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, in each
country
Use synonyms
, the total amount of women going
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 university was
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
. But, only
Australia
Change preposition
in Australia
show examples
 that the
percentation
Correct your spelling
presentation
 was
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 different times. First of all, the United Kingdom in 1985 had
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
 at 35 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, significantly increased
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 55 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
Move to another
Verb problem
Another
show examples
 state, the United States of America
also
Linking Words
 have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same phenomenon.
Initially
Linking Words
, in 1985 the percentage
just
Add a missing verb
was just
show examples
 around 38 per
cent
Use synonyms
. A little bit higher than the UK. In 2015, sharply up by 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
 which was 58 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In South Korea itself, the
country
Use synonyms
begin
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
 with 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1985.
Then
Linking Words
,
succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
 upwards to 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
in France, the difference is not too far. In 1985, the state started with a great number, 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, in 2015 the
country
Use synonyms
 had only 53 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The
last
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
, Australia has
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
percentation
Correct your spelling
percentage
 which was stagnant at 58 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words country, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • higher education
  • increase
  • decrease
  • trend
  • significant
  • comparison
  • identify
  • highest
  • lowest
  • contextual
  • global
  • relevant
  • constant
  • substantial
  • fluctuation
  • proportional
  • data
  • evaluate
  • analyze
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