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Band 5

A growing number of people rely on restaurants and convenience food (frozen food and packaged meals) rather than home-cooked food to supply most of their meals. What are the advantages and disadvantages of eating this way?

#people #restaurants #convenience #food #meals
An increasing number of
people
 depend on
restaurants
 and fast
food
 like frozen
food
 and packaged
meals
 rather than
cook
Wrong verb form
cooking
show examples
 their
meals
 by themselves.
This
 case has two sides, the advantages and the disadvantages. The advantage is
people
 who have
restaurants
 can
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
profit from
this
 kind of business and the drawback is consumers potentially eat non-healthy
foods
. I will elaborate
it
Change preposition
on it
show examples
 below.
Firstly
, the owner of the
restaurant
 can gain revenue from
this
 business.
This
also
 can
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workers because they can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
servant
Fix the agreement mistake
servants
show examples
 at the
restaurant
.
For example
, near my house, there is a
restaurant
 that serves convenience
food
 and
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
restaurants
 near
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
undergraduate student's
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
 who can not cook, they often buy
food
 from there.
This
restaurant
 is more and more thriving, so the owner
hire
Change the verb form
hires
show examples
 many workers to work for it.
In other words
,
this
 type of business can spread many advantages for many
people
,
such
 as the owner, workers, and students.
Then
, the flaw of
this
 kind of
food
 is
people
 possible to not eat healthy
meals
. The reason is because they do not know the nutrition of the
foods
.
For instance
, my friend got stomach ache after she consumed
meals
 from a
restaurant
. After that, she went to a hospital. It indicates that not all
restaurants
 consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
foods
 for their customers.
To conclude
,
this
 issue has a positive and negative impact. The good news is the
restaurant
 can give benefits to the owners until the customers. But, the bad news is
people
 can get sick easily because they are not consuming healthy
foods
. I highly
reccommend
Correct your spelling
recommend
 for
people
 to
more
Add a missing verb
do more
show examples
 wisely
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 when they want to buy some
food
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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task achievement
Try to provide a clear and concise thesis statement in your introduction to precisely indicate the main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph centers on a single main idea and provides sufficient details and evidence to support it.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both advantages and disadvantages of relying on restaurants and convenience food.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion sections are clear and appropriately frame the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience food
  • processed food
  • nutritional value
  • high-calorie
  • sodium content
  • dietary needs
  • budget constraints
  • culinary skills
  • health implications
  • time management
  • professional chefs
  • meal preparation
  • varied cuisine
  • unhealthy fats
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