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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the proportion of male and female students studying six - art related subjects at a UK university in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

the bar charts provide information about the percentage of
students
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 of both
genders
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 learning
six-art
Correct your spelling
six
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 associated subjects at a UK university in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest of
students
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 of all
genders
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 was seen in English language and literature in a UK university.
in addition
Linking Words
, History and archaeology are the least numbers chosen by both
males
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 and
females
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the highest of proportion
students
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 of all
genders
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 choose English language and literature with 230
males
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 and 250
females
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. The next is the number of
students
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 of other
genders
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chose
Correct pronoun usage
who chose
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 linguistics has minimal
varied
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variation
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 with 180 boys and 240 girls. the statistics for the percentage of
males
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 and
females
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 in art and design have
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
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 fluctuated with 170 boys and 110 girls. the number of
females
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 choosing philosophy has steadily decreased by
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
150
students
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while
Linking Words
 the date for
males
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 only counts for 50
students
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.
finally
Linking Words
, the lowest of proportion
students
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 of other grades chose history and archaeology with 90
males
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 and 110
females
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.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, genders, males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • gender distribution
  • imbalance
  • participation
  • trend
  • highlight
  • significant
  • relatively balanced
  • disparity
  • societal factors
  • career opportunities
  • art-related subjects
  • analyze
  • compare and contrast
  • determine
  • discuss
  • cultural influences
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