IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time, other say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themsaves on their own

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time #themsaves
Several people believe that parents should encourage their
children
 to take
time
 with
group
 their
children
 to take
time
 with
group
 in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 free
time
,
however
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 say that the
children
 to learn how to occupy themselves on their own,
this
Correct your spelling
essay
essy
Correct your spelling
essay
 will discuss both views and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will draw my personal
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
 On the hand many people that
children
 should take organized
group
 activities for many reasons, the first reason is that kinds will be more social, effect a
positif
Correct your spelling
positive
 for
children
 to
active
Add a missing verb
be active
show examples
 with each other, the second reason is that they learn
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of activities. So most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents prefer their
children
 to connect with their friends and they can
shere
Correct your spelling
share
 activities with each other.
On the other hand
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that
kind
 might learn
indenpedent
Correct your spelling
independent
 with their own Learning
indenpedent
Correct your spelling
independence
 is the
importent
Correct your spelling
important
 reason, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families prefer
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to discover new skills alone, because it can improve new knowledge
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the best side rather than with
group
Add an article
a group
the group
show examples
. Some
kind
 not focus well with
a groups
Correct the article-noun agreement
a group
groups
show examples
 when they learn a new skill,
some
Correct word choice
and some
show examples
 family prefer their
kind
 to enjoy
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
time
 alone
be
Correct word choice
and be
show examples
 more creative In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, there is no that parents have different views about
this
 issue
according to
 their own reasons and what they prefer for their
kind
, so
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
first
Add an article
a first
the first
show examples
 view because
kind
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 learning actively and
social
Replace the word
socialising
show examples
 more with groups.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. It will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Work on fully addressing the question. You should discuss both views in depth before drawing a detailed personal conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas are clearly presented and easy to follow. Break down your points into more structured paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay introduces both viewpoints and provides a conclusion, which is a good structure.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to present your opinion on the topic, which is essential.
coherence and cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow of ideas, which helps the reader understand your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!