IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart below shows the employment rate in four different industries in Australia from 1985 to 2015, in five-year intervals. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart below shows the employment rate in four different industries in Australia from 1985 to 2015, in five-year intervals. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #employment #rate #four #industries #australia #intervals #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart illustrates the hiring
rate
Use synonyms
 in percentage among four various jobs in Australia
.during
Correct your spelling
during
 the
period
Use synonyms
 from 1985 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, there seems to be an
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 trend in
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 in technology, healthcare, and construction over the
period
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
retail
Add an article
the retail
show examples
 industry had a gradual decline
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time. Regarding construction and health
care
Add a comma
care,
show examples
 they both started the
period
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
rate
Add an article
a rate
show examples
 of roughly 10% in 1985.
While
Linking Words
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 enrollment
rate
Use synonyms
 had a gradual increase till it ended at just above 50% in 2015,
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 employment
rate
Use synonyms
 had a drastic jump to roughly 25% in 1990 and remained the same for the next five years
then
Linking Words
graudally
Correct your spelling
gradually
 rose till it hit 60% in 2015 being the highest hiring
rate
Use synonyms
 among the four jobs, Turning to
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
 recruitment
rate
Use synonyms
 it began the
period
Use synonyms
 just the same as the previous two jobs, with just above 10% in 1985.
Then
Linking Words
 had a steady gradual
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 till it arrived at roughly 55% in 2015, being the second highest recruiting job after healthcare.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
retail
Correct article usage
the retail
show examples
 employment
rate
Use synonyms
 began at roughly 15% in 1985,
then
Linking Words
 rose to a peak of about 23% in 1995 and gradually declined after till it dipped in 2015 with a hiring
rate
Use synonyms
 of about 5%
Submitted by remasalotaibi678 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: