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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart show the number of male and female students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart show the number of male and female students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#bar #show #students #research #range #disciplines #uk #university #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph demonstrates the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of pupils based on gender who are doing scientific research on different subjects at a UK university in the year 2009.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the
number
 of male students outweighed the
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 in all the fields except
the
Correct article usage
apply
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veterinary
medicine
. Both of them were highly interested in Biology making it the subject with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 participants
whereas
women
 in physics were very few and so were
men
 in veterinary
medicine
. Biology had the highest
number
 of male researchers
of
Change preposition
apply
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about 230 with 200 other
women
 participants .
Beside
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Besides
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 it,
Medicine
 and Physics were
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 popular fields involving almost 200 and 220
men
 respectively.
However
, it was veterinary
medicine
along with
 the
medicine
 for
women
 with nearly 170 and 70 lesser to that respectively. Astronomy, Geology and veterinary
medicine
 attracted very
less
Correct word choice
small
show examples
number
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students, the former two had an equal
number
 of
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 150 and only about 70 were enrolled in the latter. In comparison ,
women
 did not want to research physics as much as
men
 and apparently 40 of them only showed their interest.
Furthermore
, a little higher by about 10 and 20 were in Astronomy and Geology respectively and they outnumbered
men
 in veterinary
medicine
 by roughly 30.
Submitted by raialon4047 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, medicine, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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