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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart show the number of male and female students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart show the number of male and female students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#bar #show #students #research #range #disciplines #uk #university #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph demonstrates the
quantity
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number
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 of pupils based on gender who are doing scientific research on different subjects at a UK university in the year 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of male students outweighed the
female
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females
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 in all the fields except
the
Correct article usage
apply
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veterinary
medicine
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. Both of them were highly interested in Biology making it the subject with
highest
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the highest
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 participants
whereas
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women
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 in physics were very few and so were
men
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 in veterinary
medicine
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. Biology had the highest
number
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 of male researchers
of
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apply
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about 230 with 200 other
women
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 participants .
Beside
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Besides
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 it,
Medicine
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 and Physics were
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 popular fields involving almost 200 and 220
men
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 respectively.
However
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, it was veterinary
medicine
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along with
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 the
medicine
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 for
women
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 with nearly 170 and 70 lesser to that respectively. Astronomy, Geology and veterinary
medicine
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 attracted very
less
Correct word choice
small
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number
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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students, the former two had an equal
number
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 of
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
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of
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apply
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approximately 150 and only about 70 were enrolled in the latter. In comparison ,
women
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 did not want to research physics as much as
men
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 and apparently 40 of them only showed their interest.
Furthermore
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, a little higher by about 10 and 20 were in Astronomy and Geology respectively and they outnumbered
men
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 in veterinary
medicine
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 by roughly 30.
Submitted by raialon4047 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, medicine, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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