The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The data is shown as a bar
chart
which illustrates
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
number
minutes
Change preposition
of minutes
show examples
of telephone calls
in
particular
Add an article
a particular
show examples
country,
dividing
Wrong verb form
divided
show examples
into three categories in
8 year
Add a hyphen
8-year
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span. Generally speaking, calls
done
Verb problem
made
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from
Change preposition
by
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mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
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and national & international showed
overall
Add an article
an overall
show examples
upward trend,
whereas
local calls
shows
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
fluctuation from 1995 to 2002. As
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
shows,
mobiles
remained
least
Change preposition
at least
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one
amongst
Change preposition
among
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all of them
in
Change preposition
apply
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every year.
Conversely
, Local calls stood as the most used
one
. On the
one
hand
,
mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
show examples
and national and international calls showed
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
show examples
trend. Usage of
mobiles
rose exponentially;
however
, national and international calls climbed up more steadily.
On the other
hand
,
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
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depicted
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
of local
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
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from 72
billions
Change to singular
billion
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to 90
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
1995-1999. After that, it plummeted until
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
standpoint, which is approximately 72
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
. On the
one
hand
,
mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
show examples
and national and international calls showed
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
show examples
trend. Usage of
mobiles
rose exponentially;
however
, national and international calls climbed up more steadily.
On the other
hand
,
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
depicted
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
of local
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
from 72
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
to 90
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
1995-1999. After that, it plummeted until
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
standpoint, which is approximately 72
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
.
Submitted by IELTS nis on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, on the other hand".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, mobiles, one, hand, billions with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "depicted" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "plummeted" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • total number of minutes
  • telephone calls
  • categories
  • local – fixed line
  • national and international – fixed line
  • mobiles
  • general trend
  • yearly totals
  • significant changes
  • milestones
  • data
  • rise significantly
  • decline
  • steady increase
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • exponential growth
  • over the period
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