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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#minutes #billions #telephone #uk #three #categories #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The data is shown as a bar
chart
 which illustrates
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 number
minutes
Change preposition
of minutes
show examples
 of telephone calls
in
particular
Add an article
a particular
show examples
 country,
dividing
Wrong verb form
divided
show examples
 into three categories in
8 year
Add a hyphen
8-year
show examples
 span. Generally speaking, calls
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
show examples
 and national & international showed
overall
Add an article
an overall
show examples
 upward trend,
whereas
 local calls
shows
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 fluctuation from 1995 to 2002. As
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
 shows,
mobiles
 remained
least
Change preposition
at least
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one
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all of them
in
Change preposition
apply
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every year.
Conversely
, Local calls stood as the most used
one
. On the
one
hand
,
mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
show examples
 and national and international calls showed
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
show examples
 trend. Usage of
mobiles
 rose exponentially;
however
, national and international calls climbed up more steadily.
On the other
hand
,
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 depicted
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of local
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
 from 72
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 to 90
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1995-1999. After that, it plummeted until
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
 standpoint, which is approximately 72
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
. On the
one
hand
,
mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
show examples
 and national and international calls showed
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
show examples
 trend. Usage of
mobiles
 rose exponentially;
however
, national and international calls climbed up more steadily.
On the other
hand
,
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 depicted
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of local
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
 from 72
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 to 90
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1995-1999. After that, it plummeted until
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
 standpoint, which is approximately 72
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
.
Submitted by IELTS nis on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, on the other hand".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, mobiles, one, hand, billions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "depicted" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "plummeted" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • total number of minutes
  • telephone calls
  • categories
  • local – fixed line
  • national and international – fixed line
  • mobiles
  • general trend
  • yearly totals
  • significant changes
  • milestones
  • data
  • rise significantly
  • decline
  • steady increase
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • exponential growth
  • over the period
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