A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, the employment satisfaction is much less significant than big incomes.
This
essay argues that wanting to get more money leads to some bad consequences. The two most serious are mentally
diseases and not feeling enjoyment.
At the moment, there are Change the adverb
mental
lots
of Correct quantifier usage
lot
competitions
between workers for big salaries and they know that if they do not Fix the agreement mistake
competition
work
harder, they will get much less money. So to provide for their families and themselves, they must work
more and more. Afterwards, they will not sleep normally and it leads to lots of mentally
problems like stress, anxiety and depression. Change the adverb
mental
For instance
, I know one of my friend's dad works in a big company called Google and everyone
knows how people there are competing for incomes
, so that person lost to more experienced people and in the Fix the agreement mistake
income
end
he lost his job. Add a comma
end,
Consequently
, as I said, he had depression and he wanted to do suicide. By contrast
, he did not die, happily
he had a family who helped him, but, Add a comma
happily,
everyone
does not have their families
, so they really can kill themselves.
Fix the agreement mistake
family
Furthermore
, if people work
for only big salaries, they will not enjoy their employment and of course
it will lead to suicide too. BecauseAdd a comma
course,
,
Remove the comma
apply
everyone
on this
planet knows that a job is one of the main things in their lives. So, they must work
to live. However
, if you do not like your job, of course
you want to die. Add the comma(s)
course,
Reason
for Correct article usage
The reason
this
is that working is very important in every person’s life. I know one person from China and his name is Lee Chan. He worked as an accountant, he did the same things every day and he was tired of that. So in the end he died by jumping from the building.
In conclusion, everyone
should not work
for big incomes and work
for their enjoyments
, of course, if they do not want to die.Fix the agreement mistake
enjoyment
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on
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task achievement
To enhance your task response, try to provide a more balanced view of the topic. While you argue against prioritizing a big salary, it would be beneficial to acknowledge any potential arguments or reasons someone might have for valuing high income. This can add depth to your essay and demonstrate an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transitional phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. Instead of starting sentences with straightforward transitions like 'so,' you could employ more sophisticated connectors such as 'therefore,' 'as a result,' or 'consequently.' This will help your essay flow more naturally.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to diversify them to include various scenarios, not just extreme cases like depression and suicide. Discussing less severe but still impactful consequences of prioritizing salary over job satisfaction can make your argument more relatable and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively. The current conclusion is a bit abrupt and overly simplistic. A stronger conclusion would restate your primary arguments succinctly and offer a final reflection or recommendation.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?