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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
#show #percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #world
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The charts illustrate the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 used for different purposes Namely industrial, agricultural and domestic
use
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 in six
areas
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 of the world.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident from the charts that North
America
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 and Europe
Add a missing verb
have
show examples
the highest industrial
use
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 of
water
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while
Linking Words
4
Correct article usage
the 4
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
the
Add a missing verb
have the
show examples
 most significant
use
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 in Agriculture of
water
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, domestic
use
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 is least
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
areas
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the agricultural
use
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 is most massively in
this
Linking Words
 charts. In Central
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Asia
Add a comma
Asia,
show examples
 it stands in the first position with 88%
use
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 of
water
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 in agriculture- which stands in the first range.
However
Linking Words
, Africa, South East
Asia
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 and South
America
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 range relatively close with 84%,81% and 71% respectively. On the one hand, industrial
use
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 in North
America
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 and Europe is the highest with 48% and 53%
use
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 of
water
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. In
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 4
areas
Use synonyms
, industrial
use
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 of
water
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 is less than others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in South
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America
Add a comma
America,
show examples
 19% of the
water
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 is used which is the highest range in
this
Linking Words
 area.
In addition
Linking Words
, Europe and North
America
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 are relatively close with 15% and 13%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in Africa, Central
Asia
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 and South East
Asia
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 are almost similar ranges the percentages of 9, 7 and 7.
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, use, areas, america, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • irrigation
  • domestic
  • industrial
  • regional disparity
  • economic structure
  • sustainable management
  • water-scarce
  • population density
  • urbanization
  • data trends
  • resource allocation
  • percentage distribution
  • extremes
  • variations
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