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The graph below shows the average retirement age of males and females in six countries in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the average retirement age of males and females in six countries in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#retirement #age #males #females #six #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar charts illustrate
men
's and
women
's intermediate
age
 of
retirement
 in Denmark, France, Italy, Netherlands, Sweden and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 for 2004 and 2008.
Overall
, we observed that the mean
retirement
age
 for
both
 sexes had increased from 2008 to 2004, except for males in Italy and females in France, the
age
 remained the same. On closer examination, it was clear that in Sweden
both
men
 and
women
 in 2004 retired at about 63
years
 old which had risen by 1
year
 in 2008. In the
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
, in
both
 2004 and
2008
Add a comma
2008,
show examples
men
 had a higher
retirement
age
 than
women
, at around 62 and 61
years
 respectively.
Also
, in the Netherlands
women
’s
retirement
age
 was less than
men
’s in
both
years
 by 1
year
 which was around 61
years
 in 2004 and 62
years
 in 2008.
In addition
 to
this
, it can be seen that in Italy the mean
age
 for
men
 was the same for
both
years
 at 60
years
 old,
in
contrast
Add the comma(s)
contrast,
show examples
 the
age
 of
women
 rose from 58 to 59
years
 in 2008. In France, female
age
 stayed the same for
both
years
 at 58
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
,
however
men
’s
age
 rose by 1
year
 in 2008 to 59
years
.
Finally
, in Denmark, the
retirement
age
 for
both
 sexes was 61
years
 in 2008, compared to 59
years
 for females and 60
years
 for
men’s
Change noun form
men
show examples
 in 2004.
Submitted by hazarbakhit on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, age, retirement, both, years, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • gender disparity
  • average
  • countries
  • comparisons
  • illustrates
  • features
  • trends
  • outliers
  • noteworthy
  • notable differences
  • economic factors
  • social factors
  • legal factors
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