IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the comparison on birthrates in Sweden, China, Australia, and Vietnam per thousands. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the comparison on birthrates in Sweden, China, Australia, and Vietnam per thousands. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#comparison #birthrates #sweden #china #australia #vietnam #thousands #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
chart
Use synonyms
 demonstrates a comparison of
birth
Use synonyms
 rates between four distinct countries over a 35-
year
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
,
comencing
Correct your spelling
commencing
 from 1970.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 China has had the most dramatic
decline
Use synonyms
 in the number of people born,
whereas
Linking Words
 Australia's
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 has changed the least over the entire
period
Use synonyms
 on the
chart
Use synonyms
 In 1970, there
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 two countries that
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had relatively large and downward changes in their
birth
Use synonyms
 rates despite starting with a high
rate
Use synonyms
 of 25,000
births
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
, which are China and Vietnam. Vietnam saw a significant
decline
Use synonyms
 to just under 17,000
births
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
 in 2005
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but still held the top spot in the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
. China,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, saw a sharp
decline
Use synonyms
 to just under 1,000
births
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
, ranking
last
Linking Words
 on the
chart
Use synonyms
 In the same
period
Use synonyms
, we can see a
fluntuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
 trend
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both Australia and Sweden in terms of
birth
Use synonyms
 rates. The
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in Australia has declined slightly and remained stable at around 15,000
births
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 in the first three quarters and ended at around 14,000
births
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. In Sweden,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, there was an uneven change from
year
Use synonyms
 to
year
Use synonyms
 over the entire
period
Use synonyms
, but there was a
decline
Use synonyms
 eventually, from 12 thousand
births
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
 to only 10 thousand
births
Use synonyms
Submitted by lyhuongclc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, birth, period, decline, rate, births, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "comparison" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: