IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are many different opinions on the consequences of
climate
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change
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’s impact on the
business
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 field. Some people argue that it supports
business
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 affairs relatively,
while
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 others disagree. There are still plenty of valid opinions to consider on both sides. On the one hand,
climate
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change
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 develops the tourist
industry
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 from a variety of perspectives. With the rising temperature, people would attractively to go to the northern side of the earth which effectively increases the tourist
industry
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 by creating opportunities in the hotel and transportation sectors.
For example
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, during the hot summer days in South Asia, areas
such
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 as Norway and Cadana hold much attention among tourists from South Asia.
On the other hand
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,
climate
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change
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 causes the rapid
change
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 of
climate
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, which leads to the lack of water in specific areas. The lack of water would irrationally damage the agriculture
industry
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, by reducing the growing of food.
In addition
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, farmers and farms do not have enough harvest and crops.
Due to
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 these factors, influences towards the supply chain would directly have massive consequences on economic and
business
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 criteria. A case in point is, that Iran because of rising temperatures up to 45 and water shortages, many people whose work related to agriculture go bankrupt. In conclusion, even though
climate
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change
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 does bring
business
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 advantages to the tourist
industry
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, it has much negative impact on human life and food as well. In my perspective,
climate
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change
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 links more disadvantages than advantages towards
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business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 field.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate on each point more thoroughly to make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical and lexical mistakes that could slightly confuse the reader.
task achievement
You effectively presented both sides of the argument, thus ensuring a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and help illustrate your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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