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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their babies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In many nations, females are allowed to take maternity leave from their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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during
Change preposition
for
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 several months after giving birth. I believe that it has
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 outweigh the drawbacks.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
mothers
Use synonyms
 who
allow
Wrong verb form
are allowed
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 to take a rest for
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 period of time can focus
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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on
Use synonyms
babies
Correct pronoun usage
their babies
show examples
. It is because there is no something urgent which should be completed at the same time like tasks from bosses.
By contrast
Linking Words
, if they have to work, it means that
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will be difficult to divide time and it leads to lower interaction between
mothers
Use synonyms
 and
babies
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phase is the most crucial to build
bond
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a bond
the bond
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 between
mothers
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 and
babies
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
mothers
Use synonyms
 always need to recover after giving birth particularly
they
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 who have undergone
cesar
Change the capitalization
Cesar
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 surgeries.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is important
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them to
temporary
Change the word
temporarily
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 stop working because if they
should
Verb problem
apply
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go to work, their energy will be limited and it decrease
speed
Add an article
the speed
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 of
recovering
Replace the word
recovery
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.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 condition might lead families to face more financial burdens. In several countries, the wages will be cut when employees take maternity. If a family depends on
mother's
Correct article usage
the mother's
show examples
 salary, it means that revenue will decrease, so they might find it difficult to reach stability
of
Change preposition
in
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economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 during
this
Linking Words
 phase.
Moreover
Linking Words
, stress might be suffered by
mothers
Use synonyms
. It happens
due to
Linking Words
limit
Replace the word
limited
show examples
 interaction and socialization. When
mothers
Use synonyms
 are in offices, they are easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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interact with their
collagues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 or clients.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 staying at home for
long
Add an article
a long
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 period will make them bored and eventually end with mental illness
such
Linking Words
 as stress. But,
this
Linking Words
 situation can be tackled by visiting relatives or friends,
thus
Linking Words
mothers
Use synonyms
 will never feel
loneliness
Replace the word
lonely
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe that laws about taking maternity will provide more benefits than disadvantages. Families might suffer from financial burdens during these phases or females may feel alone. Yet,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
taking a rest,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will ease
mothers
Use synonyms
 to focus on
Use synonyms
babies
Correct pronoun usage
their babies
show examples
 and
straighthen
Correct your spelling
strengthen
straighten
 relationship between them
also
Linking Words
 it
will help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
better
Add an article
the better
show examples
 recovery of
mothers
Use synonyms
.

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clarity
Consider enhancing the clarity of your ideas by avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring grammatical accuracy. For instance, simplify sentences like 'mothers who allow to take a rest for certain period of time' to 'mothers who are allowed to take some time off'.
examples
It would be beneficial to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. You could mention specific countries' maternity leave policies or provide personal anecdotes to make your points more relatable.
structure
To achieve a higher score, ensure that your ideas are fully developed and organized effectively. For example, you could improve the structure of your paragraphs by clearly distinguishing between the advantages and disadvantages in separate sections.
introduction
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for your discussion, providing a balanced view from the outset.
conclusion
The essay conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, which leaves a strong impression on the reader.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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