You would like a job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people. Write a letter to the organisers of the summer camp. In your letter: describe your personality say what relevant experience and skills you have explain what sort of work you would like to do.

#job #summer #camp #sports #activities #children #people #organisers #personality #skills #sort #work

Dear Sir, I hope

this

letter finds you in best of the spirits and radiant health. I am writing

this

letter to let you know that I am interested in doing a job at the summer camp organised by you. I am a professional Cricket player, currently,

studing

Correct your spelling

studying

Sports

Physiology at National College. I am a

sports

enthusiast and I am a very competitive individual. I played a few

state level

Add a hyphen

state-level

show examples

tournaments and performed well on many occasions for my team. My team management always

rely

Change the verb form

relies

show examples

on me for my consistency and never

loosing

Replace the word

losing

show examples

atitude

Correct your spelling

altitude

attitude

Moreover

, being a student of

sports

physio course, I am giving my services at a local football club, which trains junior players. I

got

Verb problem

have

show examples

a few years of experience in treating minor

sports

injuries, which

happens

Correct subject-verb agreement

happen

show examples

while

playing on the field. In the end, I could prove to be an asset

for

Change preposition

show examples

you because

this

camp is organised for young ones and teenagers. Most likely, in order to, perform well they usually ended up hurting themselves.

Therefore

, I could treat them to get better soon and teach them how to avoid

such

incidents because of my experience at the football club. I hope you will give me a chance to serve you and I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Jatinder.

Submitted by mrsdns on Sun Sep 08 2024

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task achievement

Your response is complete and addresses all parts of the task. However, you could improve by giving more specific examples and details regarding your experiences.

coherence cohesion

Your letter has a logical structure but can be improved with clearer paragraph breaks and transitions. Ensure each paragraph has a single main idea.

coherence cohesion

Your greeting and closing are appropriate and polite. This adds a professional touch to your letter.

task achievement

Your letter maintains a suitable and respectful tone throughout, making it appropriate for a formal job application.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

219 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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