IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You would like a job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people. Write a letter to the organisers of the summer camp. In your letter: describe your personality say what relevant experience and skills you have explain what sort of work you would like to do.

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Dear Sir, I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you in best of the spirits and radiant health. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to let you know that I am interested in doing a job at the summer camp organised by you. I am a professional Cricket player, currently,
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
Sports
Use synonyms
 Physiology at National College. I am a
sports
Use synonyms
 enthusiast and I am a very competitive individual. I played a few
state level
Add a hyphen
state-level
show examples
 tournaments and performed well on many occasions for my team. My team management always
rely
Change the verb form
relies
show examples
 on me for my consistency and never
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
atitude
Correct your spelling
altitude
attitude
.
Moreover
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, being a student of
sports
Use synonyms
 physio course, I am giving my services at a local football club, which trains junior players. I
got
Verb problem
have
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 a few years of experience in treating minor
sports
Use synonyms
 injuries, which
happens
Correct subject-verb agreement
happen
show examples
while
Linking Words
 playing on the field. In the end, I could prove to be an asset
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 you because
this
Linking Words
 camp is organised for young ones and teenagers. Most likely, in order to, perform well they usually ended up hurting themselves.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I could treat them to get better soon and teach them how to avoid
such
Linking Words
 incidents because of my experience at the football club. I hope you will give me a chance to serve you and I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Jatinder.

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task achievement
Your response is complete and addresses all parts of the task. However, you could improve by giving more specific examples and details regarding your experiences.
coherence cohesion
Your letter has a logical structure but can be improved with clearer paragraph breaks and transitions. Ensure each paragraph has a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are appropriate and polite. This adds a professional touch to your letter.
task achievement
Your letter maintains a suitable and respectful tone throughout, making it appropriate for a formal job application.
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