Women and men are commonly seens as having different strengths and wekanesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professiions because of their gender?

Naturally, we as a human should
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
grateful for all the things that we have, like our firm
body
structure and great mind.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, there are some differences if we talk about
body
strengthness
Correct your spelling
strength
and mind greatness
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
men
and
women
.
This
essay will outline
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
differences and give some
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
why we need to exclude or only include one gender for typical
jobs
. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
for some
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
we know that
women
did not
that
Add a missing verb
have that
show examples
strength compared to
men
. We can say,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
body
structures are not that different, but a woman in a specific area must be less
taller
Change the word
tall
show examples
than a man that has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
same age range.
Also
, not only about the physical differences, both male and female adult has their own characteristic when thinking with their brain.
Men
will be thinking logically when faced with problems,
while
women
will be using their emotional feelings first.
In Addition
,
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of distinctions are the reason why some
profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
show examples
can only be done by a single gender. Clearly, some of the
jobs
will more likely only
available
Add a missing verb
be available
show examples
to
men
because it is need people with great physical
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
For instance
, why truck drivers were dominated by
men
just because they
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
to work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost every time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a day with minimum sleep time and sometimes they
should
Verb problem
had to
show examples
bring big or heavy
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
when needed. Actually, some companies did not
mentioned
Change the verb form
mention
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the gender requirement for specific work, but it has become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commonplace to not get
jobs
when we
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
not meet the actual
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
tend to agree that to exclude
women
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
some typical
jobs
or vice versa. Despite of
women
are not needed for some physical professions, they are gifted with their excellent
emotion
Replace the word
emotional
show examples
feelings.
On the other hand
,
men
with their
body
strengthness
Correct your spelling
strength
should maintain and utilize it
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
money,
such
as being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
truck
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
.
Submitted by rasyidrahma13 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher band score, ensure that your ideas are comprehensive and well-developed. This means providing clear and more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas by ensuring that each paragraph discusses a single main idea and supports it well. This will help in making your essay more coherent.
task achievement
Make sure to address the topic completely. While you did talk about physical strengths and emotional intelligence, also consider other dimensions such as mental resilience and intellectual capabilities that cut across genders.
coherence cohesion
Consider using transitional phrases more effectively to ensure a smoother flow between ideas. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which encapsulate the main idea effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points were generally supported with examples, although further elaboration could improve their impact.
task achievement
Your essay touches on key points regarding gender differences, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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