Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to team how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
While
some people argue that parents
should encourage their children
to participate in organized group
works
in their spare Fix the agreement mistake
work
time
, others believe that children
should decide how they will make themselves busy. I personally believe that parents
should inspire their children
to take part in group
activities
and the ages of the children
are not appropriate to take such
decision
.
Group
activities
help children
not only utilizing
their free Wrong verb form
utilise
time
but also
attaining
some skills necessary for their future. They learn about organizational skills, Wrong verb form
attain
time
-management skills and showing respect for others in the
organized Correct article usage
apply
group
activities
. When these children
become adults, these activities
help them to act professionally in their professional world. For example
, in the UK, an
academic research revealed that professionals who are encouraged to work in a Remove the article
apply
group
in their childhood perform better in their professional fields than those who did not. Therefore
, I believe that parents
should encourage their kids to participate in group
activities
.
Children
know how to keep themselves busy, however
, they do not know how to utilize their time
effectively. If they are allowed to take
Correct your spelling
make
the
Correct article usage
a
decision
of their own about spending their free time
, they might not be able to properly utilize it. They might engage themselves in some unnecessary activities
, which can ultimately ruin their future. For instance
, in Canada, some school children
were given some spare time
to utilize according to
their wishes, and they spent it on
watching YouTube. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, I believe that children
's age are not suitable to
Change preposition
for
take
Verb problem
making
such
decision
.
Correct article usage
a decision
To conclude
, parents
should decide how their children
should spend their free time
. Children
should be encouraged to utilize them in a timely manner. If they are allowed to take
Correct your spelling
make
this
decision
on their own, there might be some drawbacks.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical flow, consider integrating more transition words and phrases between paragraphs and within them. This will help in connecting ideas more seamlessly and improving the logical structure.
task achievement
While the essay provides a fairly complete response to the prompt, adding more depth to each viewpoint with further elaboration and examples would enhance the task response and clarity of ideas.
task achievement
When discussing the opposing viewpoint, ensure equal emphasis and depth to maintain a balanced argument. This will make the essay more comprehensive and fair.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively presents an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints and successfully provides a personal opinion, thereby ensuring a complete response to the task.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help in substantiating the main points, though more specific and varied examples would further strengthen the argument.