IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

he charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

he charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #summaries #information #features #comparison
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar graph illustrates the percentages of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 of 60-64
years
Use synonyms
 old in employment in countries named Australia, Japan, the USA and Belgium in
Use synonyms
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1970 and 200.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed that the
job holding
Add a hyphen
job-holding
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 rate of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 was much higher than females in both the
years
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in all the four different nations in 1970, the employment rate of males where above 70. Which reduced in 2000 with Belgium being
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant decrease of 60%. Australia
expirienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
the
Correct article usage
a
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 diminish of 27
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the USA went from 73% to 55%. Japan showed
least
Change the article
the least
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 difference in employment with only
8
Correct article usage
an 8
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% reduction in 30
years
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
women
Change noun form
women's
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emloymnet
Correct your spelling
employment
 rate was
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
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 stable. Australia and the USA demonstrated
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
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 of 1% and 2% respectively. Japan and Belgium displayed
fall
Correct article usage
a fall
show examples
 of 3% and 1% respectively as it went from 43% to 40% and 8% to 7% sequentially.
Submitted by vishank.chauhan19504 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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