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Band 4.5

The statistics show different types of staff in the Shore Hotel from 1975 to 2010 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#statistics #show #staff #shore #hotel #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The table depicts the percentage of how many crew have
experience
, specific skills, or qualifications between 1975 and 2010. In overview, most people had previous work
experience
 and the numbers have been making up significant parts among the other two types of workers over the past 35 years.
On the other hand
, fewer staff had language qualifications.
According to
 the research in 1975, the number of staff with previous work
experience
 accounted for 75 %, which was 15 times as many as staff with certificates.
Besides
, bilingual or multilingual speakers comprised 10 % of the total. Concerning the figure for bilingual and multilingual speakers, it has been increasing steadily since 1975 and it was not until 2000 that the statistic displayed half of the total percentage. Afterwards, it rose rapidly to 79% in 2010. Regarding language qualifications, part of the personnel constituted fewer than one-third of the percentage.
Furthermore
, the number reached a peak
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 22% in 2000.
Finally
, 75% of the crew of the hotel in 1975 had work
experience
. Despite the fact that the figure has been the largest part of others, it dramatically reduced after 1985 and there has been a fluctuation in the statistic.
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task achievement
You have provided a complete response and included relevant details, which is good for Task Achievement. Consider giving a bit more clarity to some of your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and easily understood.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, and you've done well to organize your points. However, your conclusion could be more explicit and better summarized to provide a stronger finish.
task achievement
Most of your main points are clearly supported by relevant data from the table, which is good.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is consistent, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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