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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Meat production requires relatively more land than crop production. Some people think that as land as becoming scarce, the worlds meat consumption should be reduced. What measures could be taken to reduce the world's meat consumption? What kind of problem might such measures cause?

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Producing
meat
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 needs more land compared to crop production. Some
people
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 said that If land scarcity occurs,
consequently
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meat
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consumption
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also
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 will be reduced. There are some
measures
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 that should taken to reduce
meat
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consumption
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 like encouraging vegetarian
food
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 . In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the
measures
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 and the challenges in detail. The first significant measure is encouraging vegetarian
food
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 ,
In other words
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, the government take some action to motivate
people
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 to eat vegetarian
food
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 rather than non-vegetarian
food
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.
For instance
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, the government give tax concessions to hotels that make vegetarian cuisines,
due to
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 which hotels try a variety of different foods to attract
people
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. These practices are likely to change the public's
food
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 choices.
Furthermore
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, introducing
food
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 which contains
protein
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 in considerable amounts, if the government introduces
such
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 kinds of varieties,
people
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 are likely to choose that kind of product to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their
protein
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 needs.
For example
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 , soy
meat
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,
which
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apply
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is the kind of
food
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 that contains only vegetable ingredients and is consumed by
people
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instead
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 of
meat
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.
In addition
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On the other hand
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, reduction of
meat
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consumption
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 can lead to some issues. The major problem is
protein
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 deficiency. To illustrate , when
people
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 adopt vegetarian
food
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 ,
as a result
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,
protein
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 intake is
also
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 reduced, which causes some health issues because
protein
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 is the major nutrient that makes up our body.
For instance
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, if
protein
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 levels fall our body has detrimental effects. In conclusion. land scarcity, imposes the required reduction of
meat
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consumption
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. Encouraging
people
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 to cut down their
meat
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 intake and alternatives for
meat
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 are
measures
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help
Correct pronoun usage
that help
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 to reduce
meat
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consumption
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. These
measures
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 cause some negative aspects as well.

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task achievement
The task response is generally clear and relevant to the topic, but it could be deepened with more examples and a more detailed exploration of the measures and challenges. Try to provide specific examples and back them up with data or credible sources.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured, some transitions between ideas are a bit abrupt. For example, the transition from introducing vegetarian alternatives to the potential problems could be smoother. Improve cohesion by using a variety of linking phrases and making sure each paragraph naturally leads to the next.
supported main points
Ensure that each main point is fully developed and supported by specific details or examples. For instance, when discussing the benefits of vegetarian food, highlight more examples or studies that showcase these benefits.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The writer has offered practical measures like tax concessions and the introduction of protein-rich vegetarian alternatives to reduce meat consumption.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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