In many countries, it is very easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, this causes some people to have problems with debts they cannot pay back. Do you think the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages?

A
credit
card
has become
such
a common thing to use in our society these days.
While
it is easy to be applied, it leads to debt issues for some
people
who fail to pay. I personally believe that the burden of
credit
cards outweighs its
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.
Firstly
, talking about the advantages, using a
credit
card
helps
people
to buy luxury
things
. As the
dept
Correct your spelling
debt
show examples
could be paid at a later time,
people
may buy expensive branded
things
.
Furthermore
, it usually offers special discounts for its users on certain occasions, leading them to purchase pricey
things
with deferred
payment
.
For example
, BRI, a conventional
bank
from Indonesia, offers an instalment
payment
with a 0% interest rate to buy a new smartphone. It is surely an interesting offer for some
people
to apply for when they cannot afford the phone with their monthly salary.
As a result
,
people
are likely to purchase expensive
things
they do not need in the first place.
Secondly
, moving to the drawback of applying for a
credit
card
. A
credit
card
could destroy users' eligibility records in the
bank
. As
people
fail to pay back their debts when they use an instalment
payment
, there will be a permanent bad financial record in the central
bank
.
Moreover
,
this
record will affect every business
that is
related to finance thing.
For example
, in Indonesia,
people
who are willing to buy a house with the Housing Ownership
Credit
(KPR) system will check their financial eligibility through BI Checking, a central
bank
checking system, before the house's developer accepts their KPR.
Therefore
,
payment
on
credit
has
such
a substantial risk for users which affects their future. In conclusion,
credit
cards may be easy to apply and useful in daily life,
however
, from my perspective the disadvantage outweighs its advantages because it has a crucial effect on the future.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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task achievement
Clearly explain and elaborate on both advantages and disadvantages to give a balanced view. Currently, your focus leans more towards the disadvantages, making the essay feel slightly unbalanced.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow and transitions between points. Some transitions are abrupt or missing, making it slightly hard to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is well-supported with examples and explanations. While you have some good examples, the supporting ideas sometimes feel underdeveloped.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good overview of your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of credit cards.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your arguments.

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