IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that self employment is better than a job in a company or an institution. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

#people #self #employment #job #company #institution
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Some people believe that people who are self-employed are in a better
positions
Correct the article-noun agreement
position
show examples
 than job holders in a company or an organization. I personally think that people who are job holders can easily decide their
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and free time.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the views and provide personal
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
. The primary benefit of being self-employed is flexible working
hours
Use synonyms
. There
is
Change the verb form
are
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 no designated working
hours
Use synonyms
 for a self-employed person. A self-employed person can easily decide when he will
work
Use synonyms
, and when he will enjoy his free time because he is his own boss.
For example
Linking Words
, an online businessman can
work
Use synonyms
 when he likes. He just posts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pictures of his goods
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media and
wait
Change the verb form
waits
show examples
 for
order
Add an article
an order
the order
show examples
. When someone knocks him, he can sell his goods.
However
Linking Words
, those who
work
Use synonyms
 in
office
Add an article
an office
the office
show examples
, have designated
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
, and sometimes have to
work
Use synonyms
 overtime.
Although
Linking Words
 they are paid for extra
hours
Use synonyms
, it is sometimes hard for them to
work
Use synonyms
 overtime. It requires dedication and patience
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their professions. All
persons
Replace the word
people
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 are not capable of doing that.
Therefore
Linking Words
, working in a company is sometimes challenging.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay would benefit from a clearer and more structured introduction. Consider mentioning that you will discuss both self-employment and working for a company before stating your opinion. For instance, start with a general statement about the topic before presenting your views and briefly outlining the key points that will be covered in the body paragraphs.
supported main points
Ensure that each main idea introduced in a paragraph is fully supported with examples and explanations. For instance, while you've mentioned flexible working hours for self-employed individuals, you could also compare it directly with the constraints of fixed office hours on family life or personal hobbies, providing more specific examples.
complete response
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. After discussing both views, be sure to provide a more detailed and clear personal opinion. You could add a concluding paragraph summarizing your views and stating why you believe one option is better than the other, supported by the key points discussed.
complete response
Your essay clearly outlines two different perspectives on self-employment versus working for a company, demonstrating your understanding of the prompt.
relevant specific examples
You've effectively used examples, like the online businessman scenario, to illustrate your points. This helps make your arguments more relatable and vivid.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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