You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter give details of your study plans explain why you want to get a part-time job suggest how your friend could help you find a job

#country #study #job #friend #lives #help #plans

Dear Alland, I am writing

this

letter to ask

your

Change preposition

for your

show examples

help regarding my plans

for

Change preposition

show examples

study and take

part-time

Add an article

a part-time

show examples

job

in your country.

First,

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

plan to study at Sydney Technology University by next month. I want to take

Information

Correct article usage

an Information

show examples

Technology course since I love technology so much.

Then

, I will take a part-time

job

while

I am studying.

Moreover

, I will go to Google company after I

shall

Verb problem

apply

show examples

have finished my academic work.

Second,

I want to take

part-time

Add an article

a part-time

show examples

job

to help

Change preposition

with my

show examples

education

fee

Fix the agreement mistake

fees

show examples

since the cost has risen significantly nowadays.

Also

, I want to have field experience

while

I am studying

hence

experience is very valuable.

Moreover

, big companies will look into my experience beforehand.

Lastly

, I need your help to collect some information regarding a good part-time

job

which is not very demanding on my time.

Besides

, I need your help

for

Change preposition

show examples

exploring the list of

company

Fix the agreement mistake

companies

show examples

that have connections to the big companies. Thank you for your consideration. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Stevin

Submitted by riani.the2 on Thu Sep 12 2024

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task achievement

Try to elaborate more on your study plans and how they align with your future career goals. This will help provide a more complete picture.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single cohesive idea. For instance, the paragraph about your part-time job could separate the financial reasons and the experience reasons for better clarity.

greeting and closing

The greeting and closing are well done, creating a friendly tone appropriate for writing to a friend.

task achievement

The letter appropriately explains the need for a part-time job, including financial reasons and the desire for field experience, which helps in achieving a complete response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

176 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Educational aspirations
Work experience
Financial independence
Resume (or CV)
Local job market
International student
Legal requirements
Student work permit
Employment trends
Time management
Networking
A part-time position
Balance studies and work
Job hunting strategies

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