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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Last week you were on a flight to London. Unfortunately, when you got off the plane, you left a bag there. You did not remember about the bag until you got to your hotel. Write a letter to the airline. In your letter: •explain what happened •describe the bag and its contents •say what you would like them to do about this problem. You should write 120-150 words.

#week #flight #london #plane #bag #hotel #airline #•explain #•describe #contents #•say
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you regarding a
bag
 that I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
left
in
Change preposition
on
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flight
Correct article usage
a flight
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 from Berlin to London, flight number 484729, on seat 14F. I had a serious work conference where I presented the newest treatments for cancer patients, and
due to
 all the stress of my presentation I forgot that my
bag
 was still on the plane and I only released it when I got to my hotel. It is a small white
chanel
Change the capitalization
Chanel
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bag
 with long leather handles and a little hole in an inner pocket. In the
bag
Add a comma
bag,
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 there were important documents for my presentation, a
travel size
Add a hyphen
travel-size
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 book about whales and a few pens. I
would
Verb problem
apply
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hope you
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 locate my
bag
 and send it to the London
airport
Capitalize word
Airport
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 lost and found terminal or depending on the time it takes to my home airport terminal in Berlin.
Submitted by oimigle on

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task achievement
Your response was generally very clear and well-organized. However, try to ensure that your explanation of the situation is as concise and precise as possible to avoid any ambiguity.
coherence cohesion
Although the letter is quite coherent, you could improve logical flow by more explicitly connecting your paragraphs. For instance, you might add transitional phrases to better link your explanation of what happened to the description of your bag.
task achievement
You have successfully responded to all parts of the task, explaining what happened, describing the bag and its contents, and stating what you would like the airline to do.
coherence cohesion
Your letter has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. It is easy to follow your train of thought, thanks to clear and logical paragraphing.
task achievement
The tone of your letter is appropriate for a formal request, which enhances its overall effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
You maintained a single idea per paragraph, which contributed to the overall clarity of your message.
coherence cohesion
You included both a greeting and closing, which is essential for this type of formal letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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