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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The plans below show the layout of a university's sports center now, and how it will look after redevelopment. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #layout #university #sports #center #redevelopment #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
The below diagram shows information about the
university
's
sports
centre
 now, and how it will look after redevelopment.
Overall
, the layout shows the
university
's current
sports
centre
 and their future plans to add some new facilities to the
sports
centre
 like a dance studio, cafe, and changing room like
this
 the
university
 going to add after redevelopment. Currently, the
university
sports
centre
 has a gym, a seating room, a reception, a 25m swimming pool, a changing room and two outdoor courts. So, the
university
 decided to reconstruct its
sports
 club for the
students
 which covers all four directions that can attract all the
students
 to the
sports
 club and
also
 the
students
 can join the
sports
 club as they wish. The future plan for the
university
 is to add a leisure pool, a
sports
 shop, a cafe, a
sports
 hall, two dance studios including three changing rooms with wider space for the
sports
students
 and
also
 an extension of the gym and the outdoor courts were removed for the extension of a
sports
centre
 that covers all the directions to attract the
students
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by ensuring that each point follows naturally from the one before. Consider using more signposting phrases to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear conclusion that summarises the main points and reinforces the overall message.
task achievement
Provide more specific details and comparisons within the body paragraphs to fully support your main points.
task achievement
Clear introduction and overview of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Good attempt at summarising the main features and making comparisons.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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