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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years #summarise #features #comparisons
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The graph illustrates the ownership of computers on
basis
Correct article usage
the basis
show examples
 of population
as well as
Linking Words
basis
Add an article
the basis
show examples
 of education from 2002 to 2010 time period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
computer
Use synonyms
holder
Fix the agreement mistake
holders
show examples
 have grown constantly with time and people with higher
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of education have the highest rate of
computer
Use synonyms
 ownership. More than half of the population
were having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 computers in 2002.
This
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 rose gradually with each year, and by, 2010
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
computer
Use synonyms
holder
Fix the agreement mistake
holders
show examples
 was 75%, giving
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rise of 20% in 8 year period. When we compare it
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 level of education,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of no high school diploma
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 having
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 in 2002
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 15%, and by, 2010
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 40%, which is even more than high school graduate
computer
Use synonyms
 owners in 2002, and it is slightly less than 40%.
However
Linking Words
, by 2010 the percentage reaches
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
65%. 1 out of 2
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 in college were having
computer
Use synonyms
 in 2002 and now
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 has exceeded 35% in 2010.
Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
show examples
 with graduation and postgraduation
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 70% and 75% of
computer
Use synonyms
holder
Fix the agreement mistake
holders
show examples
 in 2002 and in 2010
this
Linking Words
 percentage was
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
90% for graduates and just slightly less than 100% for postgraduates.
Submitted by anash.suhail on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consistent increase
  • growing reliance on technology
  • clear correlation
  • digital divide
  • notable growth
  • most pronounced disparity
  • gap reduced considerably
  • percentage growth
  • higher educational levels
  • educational groups
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