IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You work for a clothing company. Your company has a new style of coat. Write an email to a magazine in about 150–200 words. Tell the magazine about the new style of coat. Your email should do the following things: Provide information about your company. Provide information about the new style of coat. Suggest who might buy this coat and why. Invite the staff at the magazine to write about the coat.

#work #company #style #coat #email #magazine #information #staff
Hello Team, I am writing to provide more details concerning the new coat
style
that is
 available in all our stores in Canada and ask for your feedback after you try it on.
Firstly
, some background about the corporation. Leonnisa is a large women´s clothes company with more than 100 stores throughout Canada; it is recognized for its exclusive and trendy designs. Allow me to describe some unique details of the brand-new coat
style
. In terms of materials, it comes with a new soft cotton which allows you to feel warmer and cozy during the cold days.
Moreover
, the design is vanguard influenced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern trends. Bearing in mind the
style
, women between 25 to 35 years old may consider it a fashion option since some people could consider the vanguardist
style
 too risky.
However
, any woman who wants to keep warm
while
looks
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 amazing could wear it perfectly.
Finally
, I would like to invite all the staff to share their personal appreciation
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the coat through the magazine available on the website. For us, it is paramount to be aware of your opinion about our latest item
style
. Thanks in advance for your cooperation, Mary Liu.
Submitted by mariajoser3 on

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Task Achievement
Although the email provides good information about the company and the coat, it can be more specific. For instance, additional details on the coat's style and color options would make it more engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is good, but some sentences could be organized better for clarity and flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Edit some sentences for grammatical accuracy. For example, change “more details concerning the new coat style” to “more details about our new coat style.”
Coherence and Cohesion
The email has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a concise and professional overview of the topic.
Task Achievement
You’ve done well to provide relevant details about the company and the coat, making the email informative and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovative
  • eco-friendly
  • stylish
  • demographic
  • seasonality
  • current trends
  • unique selling points
  • functionality
  • water-resistant
  • call to action
  • fashion-forward
  • prestigious
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