activitives of European Adults (1985) watching TV 32% eating out talking with 23% talking with family 18% friends 21% other 6% Leisure activitives of European Adults (1995) watching TV 30% playing computer games 27% talking with friends 26% taking with family 7% eating out 8% other
information about various leisure among adults people in Europe in 1985 and 1995.
Body paragraph 2
Overall
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, the highest
rate
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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was watching TV in 1980 and 1990
whereas
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the lowest was other.
On the other hand
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, talking with friends increased in 1995,
while
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eating out
Body paragraph 3
Drops down in the same year. The
rate
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of eating out almost equals the
rate
Use synonyms
of talking with family.
Body paragraph 4
Looking at more details, the
rate
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of watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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was 30in 1995,
although
Linking Words
it was 32% in 1985.
In addition
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to that the number of talking with friends and family increased from 18% to 26% in 1995
while
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the percentage of
eting
Correct your spelling
eating
out decreased from 23% to 8% in 1995.
Body paragraph 5
Looking at more details, we can see that the
Body paragraph 6
Number
Correct article usage
The number
show examples
of
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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was 2% in 1995,
on the other
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hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
the percentage of playing computer games was 27% in 1995.
also
Linking Words
Conclusion
The number of talking with family was 7% in 1980
waleedal3ayed
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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines what the essay will cover. For instance, you could correct the introduction to: 'The two pie charts provide information about the leisure activities of European adults in 1985 and 1995.' This sets a clearer context for the rest of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Develop a clearer conclusion to summarize the key points of your analysis. A brief sentence or two will suffice.
logical structure
Try to avoid repetition and ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next one. For example, you can merge similar points and avoid stating 'Looking at more details' multiple times.
clear comprehensive ideas
It’s essential to use specific figures correctly. For instance, 'percentage of eating out decreased from 23% to 8%' and 'percentage of talking with friends increased from 21% to 26%' should be clearly written and accurate.
supported main points
Make sure each point you make is supported by specific data from the charts. For instance, you could mention the increase in 'playing computer games' from 0% in 1985 to 27% in 1995 to illustrate the growing trend.
task achievement
You have effectively compared the changes between the two years and highlighted the trends over the decade. This shows a clear understanding of the data.
complete response
Your essay demonstrates an attempt to cover all the categories from both years, which indicates a comprehensive approach to the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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