IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Studies have shown that unemployment has a bad effect on both the physical and mental health of people without a job. For this reason, governments need to create jobs for everyone who wants one. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Researchers have found that
people
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 who have no
job
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 are suffering from some physical and mental health problems.
Therefore
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,
governments
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 should vary
job
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opportunities
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 for jobless citizens.
This
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 essay agrees with the statement because it is certain that
people
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 should
work
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 and earn money to survive and live healthily.
Moreover
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,
governments
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 should allocate more funding to reduce unemployment rates. In the modern world,
people
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 ought to
work
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 to survive and live in comfort.
Otherwise
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, they cannot meet their requirements in social life. Individuals should follow some routines and have some tasks to complete. Every task individuals complete makes them happy and gives meaning to their lives.
Otherwise
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, they feel useless and
this
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 feeling makes them sick.
Moreover
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, mental weakness causes physical health problems. They should break
this
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 repeating cycle by finding a
job
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 and working on it.
On the other hand
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,
governments
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 should enhance
job
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opportunities
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.
Thus
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, they should make some deals with companies and factories.
Furthermore
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,
governments
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 offer subsidies and tax reductions to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies to find new
job
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opportunities
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployed citizens.
Besides
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,
governments
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 may set up new projects to increase
job
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opportunities
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.
People
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 always want to
work
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 in the jobs they are interested in, so
governments
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 should ask unemployed
people
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 their willing. In conclusion,
people
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 without a
job
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 cannot survive in modern life.
Therefore
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, they have to find a
job
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 and
work
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 on them.
Otherwise
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, they cannot find a place for themselves in society. The lack of social life and money makes them sick.
On the other hand
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,
governments
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 should make some agreements with companies and factories to provide more
job
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opportunities
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.
In addition
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, they should find out
people
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's willingness and vary
opportunities
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according to
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 these
willings
Correct your spelling
killings
.

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is supported by detailed and specific examples to strengthen your argument. General statements need concrete evidence to be compelling.
task achievement
Develop your main points more comprehensively. While the essay addresses key aspects, it would be stronger with a more thorough explanation and argumentation for each point.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Ensure that transitions between different parts of the essay are smooth and coherent.
coherence cohesion
Include a brief summary of your main points in the conclusion to reinforce your argument. This helps in maintaining a strong structure and coherence throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets a strong premise for the essay by stating your position and what the essay will cover.
coherence cohesion
The language used is generally clear and effective, making your points easy to understand.
coherence cohesion
There are effective transitions and logical progression in most parts of the essay, which aids in readability and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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