IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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It is believed that
qualification
Use synonyms
 is more crucial than
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 other
subjects
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 to
adding
Change the verb form
add
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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college
students
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their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 primary
subjects
Use synonyms
. There are arguments on both sides of
this
Linking Words
 very topical debate, and I will discuss them now. On the one hand, the global era needs the multidisciplinary knowledge that
require
Wrong verb form
is required
show examples
to learn
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
 other
subjects
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 to broaden the expertise.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
this
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 knowledge has several assignments that
create
Verb problem
make
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 undergrad
students
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 hectic to gain an understanding.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economics
students
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 need to grasp
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
data science to complete their thesis.
However
Linking Words
, they have ongoing major
subjects
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,
while
Linking Words
thye
Correct your spelling
they
 must learn other
subjects
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 that
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
 to their thesis.
Hence
Linking Words
, it takes a lot of time to fulfill the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of requirements
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their main
subjects
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 and
addition
Replace the word
additional
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, time management is needed to take
qualification
Use synonyms
 for employment. It means that
students
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 might have
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
 that provide their time to get
Use synonyms
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can easily
getting
Change the verb form
get
be getting
show examples
offer
Change the form of the verb
offers
show examples
 from some companies. It would be
Add an article
a benefit
show examples
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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 for their future, they can demonstrate their
compentence
Correct your spelling
competence
 that
useful
Add a missing verb
is useful
show examples
 for working.
For instance
Linking Words
, essential skills are needed for new employers which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 capability
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their job desk.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
this
Linking Words
qualification
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, fresh graduates can create good movements after their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 university.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
qualification
Use synonyms
 is fruitful for freshmen to improve their skills. In conclusion, my own feeling is that
Use synonyms
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 produce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
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 to
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 their future jobs. Of course, they can make fast-track
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 by upgrading their competencies.
In addition
Linking Words
, it will widen
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 many opportunities in
this
Linking Words
 area.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views on the topic, which is necessary for a complete response. However, it could benefit from deeper analysis and more specific examples to fully support your points.
task achievement
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect the clarity. It is important to work on sentence structure and vocabulary to make your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While the logical flow of the essay is generally clear, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use more linking phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
More specific examples would strengthen your arguments and help illustrate your points better.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the reader's understanding.
task achievement
The essay concludes with a clear opinion, summarizing your main argument effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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