IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects, in addition to their main subjects. All this believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. discuss both these wheels and give your own opinion

#university #students #subjects #addition #believe #time #attention #qualification #wheels
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Some
students
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 want to study other subjects apart from their compulsory subjects. Some people believe that
students
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 should spend all their
time
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 and effort to achieve a
university
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qualification
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. I personally believe that
students
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 should concentrate on both because achieving
knowledge
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 outside their educational
qualification
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 is important. Achieving
knowledge
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 outside
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university
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of university
show examples
education
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 is very important. It helps
students
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 to learn numerous
skills
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 and
knowledge
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and prepares them for their future. Those
students
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 who earn
knowledge
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 outside their
education
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qualification
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, get jobs quickly.
Moreover
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, nowadays, only
university
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quaification
Correct your spelling
qualification
 is not enough to get a
job
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.
Therefore
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, it is needed to achieve some extra
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qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 to secure a
job
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.
For instance
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,
students
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 in India always prefer to achieve some extra qualifications
beside
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besides
show examples
 their
education
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. I believe that earning
knowledge
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beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
university
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Use synonyms
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 is very important.
In contrast
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, those
students
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 who invest
time
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 only
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 gaining
education
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 have more
time
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 for self-care. They can relax, have a good sleep at night, or practice their hobbies, which is good for their mental and physical wellbeing.
However
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, those
students
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 who only spend
time
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 on gaining educational
qualification
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, cannot compete well with their peers. In today's competitive world, every
job
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 agency requires some
skills
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 and
knowledge
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 in their employees, and if
students
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 cannot achieve that in their student lives, securing a
job
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 for them will become tough. In conclusion, every student should gain some
skills
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beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 their
qualification
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 in student life. It helps them to build their future. Learning
knowledge
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 and gaining
skills
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 help them to get a
job
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Aim to clarify the essay’s position more clearly in the introduction and ensure that this position is consistently supported throughout the essay.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples, possibly drawing from personal experience, studies, or well-known references to support your points more convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Enhance logical coherence by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas, and by defining clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is supported by relevant details and examples.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which showcases your ability to consider multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, which helps provide a clear structure to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main ideas discussed in the essay, reinforcing your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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