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Band 5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work
These days, more
individual’s
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individuals
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 leave their family and relatives for job purposes or
expanding
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to expand
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 their
career
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careers
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.
Although
 relocating and living far from family has its own drawbacks, I believe its advantages
is
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are
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 far more than disadvantages. On the one hand, leaving your friends and parents has negative impacts on your life. When you move to another country because you don’t have enough friends there, you feel
loneliness
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lonely
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 and
this
 feeling has
influence
Correct article usage
an influence
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in
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on
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 your job and other things.
Also
, as
result
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a result
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 of
parents’
Correct pronoun usage
your parents’
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 absence, you can’t be supported by them or even get help from them so it’s very difficult to pass your life.
Moreover
,
due to
 you are not familiar with their culture and customs, you will get culture shock and it takes time to
get adopt
Wrong verb form
adapt
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with
Change preposition
to
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 their culture.
On the other hand
, by relocating you have more opportunities in your life. Many big companies that pay very decent to their employees are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developed
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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 or cities. So, if you want to work there you should move to another place. Whenever you travel to another country which is not familiar
for
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to
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 you, you will learn a lot of new things about their history and legacy.
Moreover
, you will find new friends that
helps
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help
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 you to broaden your social circle. In conclusion, I believe that leaving home and
parents
Correct pronoun usage
your parents
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 has a lot of pain
however
, you will gain a lot of things. So I believe that advantages outweigh the disadvantages easily and don’t forget
this
 quote No pain no gain.
Submitted by ramenosko on

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language
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content development
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organization
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structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly stating the main argument.
content
Most of the main points are relevant and address the essay topic effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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