IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work
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These days, more
individual’s
Change noun form
individuals
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 leave their family and relatives for job purposes or
expanding
Change the verb form
to expand
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 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
Although
Linking Words
 relocating and living far from family has its own drawbacks, I believe its advantages
is
Change the verb form
are
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 far more than disadvantages. On the one hand, leaving your friends and parents has negative impacts on your life. When you move to another country because you don’t have enough friends there, you feel
loneliness
Replace the word
lonely
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 and
this
Linking Words
 feeling has
influence
Correct article usage
an influence
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in
Change preposition
on
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 your job and other things.
Also
Linking Words
, as
result
Correct article usage
a result
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 of
parents’
Correct pronoun usage
your parents’
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 absence, you can’t be supported by them or even get help from them so it’s very difficult to pass your life.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 you are not familiar with their culture and customs, you will get culture shock and it takes time to
get adopt
Wrong verb form
adapt
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with
Change preposition
to
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 their culture.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, by relocating you have more opportunities in your life. Many big companies that pay very decent to their employees are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developed
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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 or cities. So, if you want to work there you should move to another place. Whenever you travel to another country which is not familiar
for
Change preposition
to
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 you, you will learn a lot of new things about their history and legacy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, you will find new friends that
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 you to broaden your social circle. In conclusion, I believe that leaving home and
parents
Correct pronoun usage
your parents
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 has a lot of pain
however
Linking Words
, you will gain a lot of things. So I believe that advantages outweigh the disadvantages easily and don’t forget
this
Linking Words
 quote No pain no gain.
Submitted by ramenosko on

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language
Work on grammatical accuracy and complex sentence structures to enhance the overall linguistic range.
content development
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on points to strengthen the argument.
organization
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to enhance coherence and cohesion.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly stating the main argument.
content
Most of the main points are relevant and address the essay topic effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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