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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010

the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #group #activity
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The supplied illustration depicts comparative information about
regularity
Correct article usage
the regularity
show examples
 of physical activity
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Australian
men
’s and women’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in 2010. A glance at the graphs reveals that women pay more attention to
their’s
Change noun form
their
show examples
 health,
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 we can see the statistics, where
is shown
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the level of activity of
men
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 is lower than women’s. Now,turning to the details.Males are more active
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
years
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 going.
While
Change preposition
During
show examples
this
 period
men
 have the highest percentage of physical activity.In comparison,
men
who’s
Correct your spelling
whose
show examples
 age is above 35-44
years
, had
dramatically
Correct article usage
a dramatically
show examples
 low
precent
Correct your spelling
per cent
 of doing sport.There are no
overwhelmingly
Change the adverb
overwhelming
show examples
 differences between 25 and 64
years
, except the category of
men
, who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 35 to 44
years
 old. It can be clearly seen that women like doing physical exercises more.As proof, the chart shows
activeness
Correct article usage
the activeness
show examples
 of women, whom’s age is more than 25
years
.
In contrast
, females
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 less active at the period between 15 and 24
years
 old.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, years with synonyms.
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