The charts below show the percentage of male and female students of different age groups who studied in Australia for full-time and part-time education in 2006.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female students of different age groups  who studied in Australia for full-time and part-time education in 2006.
This
Bar chart illustrates the percentage of students that have been
studing
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studying
for full and
part
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part-time
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time
, the chart is divided by age groups and genders. For the
males
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male's
males'
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side,
Full
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Full-time
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time
students rate
start
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starts
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with
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at
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12% for 15-19
ages
and reach
to
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apply
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its peak
with
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at
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40% for 20-24,
than
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then
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get much lower for 25-29 and 30+ it gets as low as only 8%,
hoever
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however
for the
Part
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Part-time
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time
student is kind of steady in comparison, it moves between 6 to 12
percent
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per cent
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along the different
ages
.
Moreover
, in the second side of the illustration, which represents the females,
its
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it's
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simillar
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similar
, but has a
little
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few
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changes, for
instant
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instance
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,
full
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full-time
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time
is quite higher in the young
ages
, but
part
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part-time
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time
is lower in the older students.
Therefore
, the
ages
15-24 tend to have
part
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part-time
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time
education for
bith
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both
genders,
in
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on
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the
othe
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other
hand, 25-30+
ages
prefer
full
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full-time
show examples
time
.
Submitted by aojubair1 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words part, time, ages with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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