IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In most successful organizations, some people believe that communications between managers and workers is important, other people said that other factors are more important. What is your opinion?

#organizations #people #communications #managers #workers #factors
It is
argueed
Correct your spelling
argued
 that in major
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
companies
Add a comma
companies,
show examples
 the interaction between
managers
 and
saff
Correct your spelling
staff
 plays a curial role. I firmly agree with
this
 argument because it increases
work
 efficiency and creates
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 friendly
work
envrionment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
To begin
 with, the
commucation
Correct your spelling
communication
 between
managers
 and workers
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
work
 easy. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, when they have a discussion, they will take the right
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 as a sequence their project will be
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a good result.
Coversely
Correct your spelling
Conversely
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
miscomunication
Correct your spelling
miscommunication
 is likely to misunderstanding
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 both
managers
 and their
staff
, which
to agaisnt
Verb problem
is
show examples
in
Change preposition
against
show examples
work
. The
staff
 do not
accomplete
Correct your spelling
complete
 their tasks and
also
 the
magnager
Correct your spelling
manager
 will be overload.
These
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 leads to
loss
Add an article
a loss
show examples
 in profit.
Moreover
, interacting
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 creates a friendly
work
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 that encourages
staff
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
 more productively. There is a serious problem that tends to
see
Wrong verb form
be seen
show examples
 in many organisations is that a barrier between
managers
 and
staff
 , which
caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
show examples
 by miscommunication.
Specificly
Correct your spelling
Specifically
, new
staff
 are likely
feel
Add the particle
to feel
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of care,
Correct word choice
and movtivation
show examples
movtivation
Correct your spelling
motivation
 in
new
Add an article
the new
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
if their manager
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have
conversation
Add an article
a conversation
show examples
 with them.
Besides
, the
managers
 will not have immediate
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 when workers are struggling with their tasks. in conclusion,
it is clear that
 having communication is very
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 at
work
.
Submitted by tranghathu16hd on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and provide clearer evidence for your claims.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you organize your ideas in a more logical structure. This will help the reader follow your essay more easily and understand your argument better.
general advice
Language accuracy needs improvement, particularly with grammar and spelling. Consider seeking practice materials or even feedback from a teacher to help refine these areas.
task achievement
The response addresses the task reasonably well and includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the essay.
task response accuracy
The essay makes a relevant point about the importance of communication in creating a friendly work environment, which is crucial in successful organizations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication channels
  • collaboration
  • productivity
  • workplace harmony
  • issue resolution
  • escalate
  • organizational culture
  • motivation levels
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • feedback mechanisms
  • performance evaluations
  • fairness
  • transparency
  • criteria
What to do next:
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