Modern medical science has made it possible to combat many diseases. This is one reason that people are living longer lives now than they did in the past. Discuss the effects this might have on society.
Morden society
have
developed in a skyrocket way in various Change the verb form
has
field
like technology, health and leisure activities. Investment Fix the agreement mistake
fields
of
advanced Change preposition
in
medicine
and therapies has made defeating diseases possible, it is said to be one of the factor
that allow people to live longer. Change to a plural noun
factors
This
essay is about to discuss possible effects on healthcare
systems and professional ethic
on society.
To start with, having a longer Fix the agreement mistake
ethics
live
span may have a crash on the Replace the word
life
healthcare
and economic system
. Some of the research report
age is one of the most significant Correct subject-verb agreement
reports
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
on
getting disease as their immune Change preposition
in
system
starts degenerating. Elderly
have a higher chance Correct article usage
The elderly
to visit
hospital Change preposition
of visiting
regarding
to Change preposition
due
the
Correct article usage
apply
problem
like heart attack and insomnia caused by their Fix the agreement mistake
problems
weaken
body function. That means the Replace the word
weakened
healthcare
system
like hospital
and elderly Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
center
must Fix the agreement mistake
centers
accomodate
a larger number of Correct your spelling
accommodate
eldely
Correct your spelling
elderly
patient
who have chronic Fix the agreement mistake
patients
condition
that may create a huge stress on the medical Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
system
. Increasing
number of aged Add an article
An increasing
The increasing
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
also
challenges the economic system
by forcing Correct article usage
the goverment
goverment
to allocate more financial and human resources Correct your spelling
government
that
used to be in Correct word choice
than
other field
to meet the need Change the wording
another field
other fields
of
long-term care. Change preposition
for
In addition
, Correct article usage
an increase
increase
number of older Replace the word
increased
adult
passing the retirement age can reduce Fix the agreement mistake
adults
Correct article usage
the labourforce
labourforce
in the workplace Correct your spelling
labour force
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
contribute
to a lower GDP.
To add on, investment Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
of
Change preposition
in
morden
medical science may have a problem Correct your spelling
modern
Morden
on
ethics and health. Publishment of a new Change preposition
with
medicine
requires huge
effort Add an article
a huge
on
testing its reliability and effectiveness. It takes Change preposition
in
relatively
long testing time and several Correct article usage
a relatively
round
of animal and participant Change to a plural noun
rounds
tesing
. Correct your spelling
testing
However
, due to
the rising demand of
geriatric Change preposition
for
medicine
, there may be a chance of medicine
bussinessmen
aiming to earn Correct your spelling
businessmen
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
profit
from the elderly market, Fix the agreement mistake
profits
Correct word choice
and shorten
shorten
the process of testing new Wrong verb form
shortening
medicine
to get published. If a brandnew
Correct your spelling
brand-new
brand new
medicine
is not being fully experimented and tested, it could have a pobability
of having serious side Correct your spelling
probability
effect
that harm our life.
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
To conclude
, it is good to see how advanced moreden
medical science Correct your spelling
modern
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
extend
our life by defeating disease. But there are Change the verb form
extended
also
some drawback
like stress on Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
healthcare
and economic systems and possible side effect
on new Fix the agreement mistake
effects
medicine
.Submitted by asllchkied on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. For instance, when mentioning that increased longevity affects healthcare and economic systems, provide more detailed examples, like specific challenges hospitals might face, or how exactly government budgets are affected.
task achievement
Work on providing clear, specific examples to support your points. Rather than broadly mentioning how elderly people might use the healthcare system, you could provide statistics or detailed scenarios to concretize your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve your paragraph structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by relevant details. Ensure that your points flow logically from one to the next. For instance, explain one effect fully before moving on to the next.
general
Eliminate grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity. For example, avoid run-on sentences and use conjunctions effectively.
general
Review vocabulary usage for accuracy and appropriateness. For example, 'publish' should be used instead of 'publist', and 'modern' should replace 'morden.'
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
You have identified key issues related to the increase in life expectancy and touched upon important societal aspects like healthcare and economics.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.