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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress level amongs professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or coollage lecurer.

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress level amongs professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or coollage lecurer.
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The chart makes a comparison between working
hours
Use synonyms
 and the
stress
Use synonyms
 level in eight different groups. The data shows that
lectures
Correct your spelling
lecturers
show examples
 who
work
Use synonyms
 the least number of
hours
Use synonyms
 suffer the most
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
Use synonyms
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
 illnesses. Lectures with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 average of 25 worked
hours
Use synonyms
 per week and chefs with 30
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 are
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 groups that spend the least time
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, a similar level of
hours
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been presented in the case of lawyers, writers, and programmers, 35, 40, and 50, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 doctors spend 50
hours
Use synonyms
 weekly in the
work
Use synonyms
, movie producers 10 more than that – 60. People who have been devoting the most time to
work
Use synonyms
 are
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
 with the number of 70
hours
Use synonyms
. Comparing it to the possibility of suffering from
Use synonyms
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
 illnesses, only 5% of programmers are in danger of
such
Linking Words
 problems.
Then
Linking Words
, 8% is shared by writers and lawyers,
while
Linking Words
 10% by movie producers and chefs.
Further
Linking Words
, there is 11% of people
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
Use synonyms
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
 illnesses among
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and 15% among doctors.
One-fours
Correct your spelling
One-fourth
show examples
 of all incidents take place among lectures.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, stress, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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