Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree?
It is thought by some that it is not fair to be allowed to be retired just when turning 65 years old. They believe that some of the
employments
should be done until an earlier stage of life. Fix the agreement mistake
employment
This
essay completely agree
with Change the verb form
agrees
this
statement, I will argue the reasons in the ensuing paragraphs.
Firstly
, every jobs
requires high levels of effort and focus, but not all of them require to be in a good Change to a singular noun
job
phyisical
condition. Correct your spelling
physical
Furthermore
, it is a big difference between having a a
full-time job in an office Remove the redundancy
apply
than
in construction. Correct word choice
and
In addition
, humans who are working in construction they are not only having to lift weight
the whole day, but they are Fix the agreement mistake
weights
also
constantly breathing dust. Hence
, that type of jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
are
very harmful, and it could cause future diseases, Correct subject-verb agreement
is
that is
way
they should do it for a short time.
Correct your spelling
why
Secondly
, there are also
another type
of Fix the agreement mistake
other types
jobs
that may not need physical effort, but it demans
high levels of stress. Correct your spelling
demands
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
suergeons
, who are constantly doing Correct your spelling
surgeons
surgerys
where they really need to be completely awake and Correct your spelling
surgeries
surgery
focus
, and Wrong verb form
focused
it
demands a Correct pronoun usage
apply
lof
of stress, as their Correct your spelling
lot
patient's
lives are on their hands. Fix the agreement mistake
patients'
Furthermore
health professionals have a higher chance of getting sick because hospitals are places where viruses and bacteria thrive. Add a comma
Furthermore,
In addition
, we should truly care about those people who dedicate their lives to caring for others.
To sum up
, some of the occupations should be allowed to be done at an earlier stage of life, not just when reaching their sixtys
, some of the Correct your spelling
sixties
sixty
jobs
have a high physical demand and others are very stressfull
and those people should be more than allowed to retire earlier.Correct your spelling
stressful
Submitted by jimeilaria on
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task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task, but make sure each argument is clear and developed. Ensure that examples used are specific and directly related to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition phrases between ideas and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure fluid connections between different points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments.
task achievement
You have presented relevant arguments and supported them with reasons related to the task prompts.