IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The tabel below shows the number of temporary migrant workers in four countries in 2003 and 2006 and the number of these workers per 1,000 people in these countries in 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relev

#tabel #workers #four #countries #people #information #features #comparisons #relev
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The table pictures the ratio of non-permanent migrant
worker
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workers
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 in New
Zealand
, The United Kingdom, Australia and The
Unite
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United
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 States in 2003 and 2006, and the number of
these laborer
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this laborer
these laborers
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 per 1,000 people in these countries in 2006.
Overall
, all the countries had an increase in the number of short-term migrant labour, the United
State
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States
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 remained the country with the
higest
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highest
 figure.
However
, New
Zealand
 composed the highest number per one thousand people in 2006. In 2003, the alien workers in The US accounted
fo
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for
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 577000 before
increaing
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increasing
 to 678000 in 2006.
Subsequently
, Australia saw a growth, with the former rising from 152000 to 219000 and the UK grew from 137000 to 266000. New
Zealand
 commenced at 65000
worker
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workers
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 in 2003 , going up to 87000 in 2006. In the trend of temporary refugee employees per 1000 people in 2006, New
Zealand
 ranked
first,
at 21.1., followed by Australia at 10.7 and the United Kingdom at 4.4. The United
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
 was the lowest, which stood at 2.3
Submitted by noyaletuna on

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task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar for clearer expression. For example, 'The United State remained the country with the higest figure' should be 'The United States had the highest number of temporary migrant workers.'
task achievement
Make sure to summarize information in a balanced way, mentioning all key points equally. For example, you could mention the increase in the total number of migrant workers more uniformly.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay into more distinct paragraphs. This will make your argument clearer and easier to follow. For example, dedicate one paragraph to comparing individual years and another to comparing per-capita figures.
coherence cohesion
Refine the logical flow by better connecting sentences. Transitional phrases like 'subsequently,' 'however,' and 'overall' are useful, but they should enhance flow rather than serve as mere connectors.
task achievement
You provided specific and relevant examples to back up your points. For example, mentioning exact numbers and details like 'New Zealand commenced at 65,000 workers in 2003, going up to 87,000 in 2006' enriches your essay.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt and includes the main features. For instance, you've effectively summarized the data and made comparisons where necessary.
coherence cohesion
You used appropriate vocabulary to describe the data. Words like 'accounted for,' 'composed,' and 'ranked' are well-suited to this type of essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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