IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You recently noticed a local factory that was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the factory's manager. In your letter, ⁃ explain that you would like to apply for the job ⁃ give some details of any relevant experience that you have ⁃ specify the days and times that would suit you

#factory #job #manager #times
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Dear Sir or
madam
Capitalize word
Madam
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 I am writing to you to express my interest in your
jop
Correct your spelling
job
 advertisement for a
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
 worker position that I saw posted on
student
Correct article usage
the student
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 noticeboard at
university
Correct article usage
the university
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. I am
Correct article usage
an Internatsional
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Internatsional
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International
first year
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first-year
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 student at
Toshkent
Correct your spelling
Tashkent
 State Law University.Living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Toshkent is expensive and I need some extra money for my living expenses.I can not
work
full
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full-time
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time
 because I have classes in the morning so I decided to apply for
this
part
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part-time
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time
 vacancy. Before starting university I came to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Toshkent
through
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to
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work
 for
summmer
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summer
 jobs.At that
time
 I worked in one of the Muborakʼs
factorys
Correct your spelling
factory
factories
 as a worker.My previous
work
 experience taught me skills
as
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in
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 working with other workers . Currently ,my lessons start at 8 a.m and finish at 3p.m.I would be available to
work
 after 4 p.m. until midnight from Monday to Friday .Unfortunately ,I can not
work
 at the weekends because I have extra exams approaching and I have to try hard for exams on Saturday and Sunday . I look forward to hearing from you soon Yours faithfully Muxammadov Maxmudali
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Ensure you address the recipient correctly and keep a consistent, appropriate tone throughout your correspondence.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors such as spelling and punctuation.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your letter in a way that each paragraph clearly communicates a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Organize your information logically, perhaps with a brief introduction, body paragraphs for each main point, and a concise conclusion.
task achievement
The tone is polite and appropriate for a job application letter.
task achievement
You effectively included relevant experience and availability details.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, making the letter easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The letter opens and closes suitably for this type of correspondence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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