The graphs below show the average retirement age for men and women in 2004 and 2008 in six different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graphs below show the average retirement age for men and women in 2004 and 2008 in six different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The given column graphs illustrate the average
retirement
age
for individuals in 2004 and 2008 among six nations. It can be seen easily that
Sweden
had the longest
retirement
age
between
men
and
women
. It is clearly illustrated that
this
average
age
was over 63 in
Sweden
, and in comparison to
2008
Add a comma
2008,
show examples
it had a small rise to 64,
similarly
the pattern is the same for
women
as well.
Similarly
,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
has the same pattern
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
Sweden
, the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
second
average
Correct word choice
highest average
show examples
of
retirement
is owned by
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
, it is 63 for both
men
and
women
and 64 in 2008 for all. In
Correct article usage
the men
show examples
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
graph, the average
age
for
men
had no changes and was 60,
while
this
number was 58 and 59 for
women
in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
years respectively. France, in
this
chart
Add the comma(s)
chart,
show examples
had the lowest
retirement
age
, it is vividly clear that in 2004
men
and
women
retired
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
58,
while
the
age
changed
yo
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
59 in 2008 for
men
.
Overall
, the
age
of retiring varies considerably among the six European countries in 2004 and 2008, but the discrepancy
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
Sweden
and France is high.
Submitted by amini.parastoo on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly, while".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words retirement, age, sweden, men, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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