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Band 5

Some people think traffic and housing problems in big cities can be solved by moving companies and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #traffic #cities #companies #employees #countryside
The advancement of technologies and globalization has led to the establishment of more
companies
 and industries.
Therefore
, many
people
 think
traffic
 and housing problems in big
cities
 can be solved by moving
companies
 and their employees to the
countryside
. I agree, that
traffic
 and housing problems in big
cities
 can be solved by supporting the above statement. In
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
, there is abundant space and surroundings for new or existing
companies
 to
move
 and re-establish. There won't be any competition as compared to
cities
.
Companies
 can run as a monopoly.
Thus
, they can control the market's demand and supply. In
cities
, there is a scarcity of employees.
Nevertheless
, in the
countryside
 too, there are lots of educated
people
 who are short of good opportunities. In
cities
, there is a scarcity of water, space and other necessary resources. The current problem
companies
 are facing is the housing crisis.
Due to
out-large
Correct article usage
the out-large
show examples
 of employees,
people
 are not finding suitable
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 to accommodate.
Nonetheless
,
this
 can be solved if
companies
move
 to the
countryside
. Sometimes houses are un-occupied as most of the
people
 live in big
cities
. It's an advantage for both the
companies
 and the
people
 living in rural areas.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
countryside
,
people
 can earn
move
 through the company's
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 reasonable rates.
Subsequently
, there will be a decrease in air pollution leading to a healthy lifestyle. There will be less
traffic
 congestion.
Companies
 that are non-profit organisations like NGOs, are sustainable energy-based. It can greatly benefit the
countryside
people
 who are deprived of opportunities. Their children can go to school with the help of
such
companies
.
Companies
 moving to the
countryside
 can create a chain of employment opportunities. There will be technological advancement and liberalization. All in all, it’s a great
move
 if the
companies
move
 to the
countryside
 as it will create less
traffic
 congestion and a housing crisis. On the other side, it will greatly benefit the
people
 living in the
countryside
.
Hence
, it's a win-win situation for both.
However
, there might be some negative impacts too if big
companies
move
.
Nevertheless
, I will agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement firmly.
Submitted by abphobos70 on

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organization
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic. For instance, you could separate the benefits to companies and the benefits to the employees and the countryside residents into different paragraphs.
examples
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could cite a specific city or region where companies have moved to the countryside successfully, or mention types of companies that would most benefit from such a move.
details
Elaborate on your main points with further explanations. For example, discuss how the monopoly mentioned would benefit the companies and the countryside economy, or how infrastructure in the countryside could be developed.
organization
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your argument.
task response
You have addressed both the traffic and housing problems in cities and have considered multiple benefits of moving companies to the countryside.
organization
The conclusion summarizes your argument effectively, reinforcing the points made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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