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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart illustrates the proportion of the
population
Use synonyms
 living in cities of four Asian countries:
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, providing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
predictions for 2030 and 2040. From
overall
Linking Words
 perspectives, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 in four countries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased significantly throughout the period.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and Malaysia had higher
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 year,
oppositing
Wrong verb form
opposite to
show examples
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 at the same time. It is obvious that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Philippines’
Correct article usage
the Philippines’
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 hit the highest rate in the beginning and the end of stages, with roughly 32% in 1970 and will surpass about 85% in 2040, respectively.
In other words
Linking Words
, the latter is 53% more than the former.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the proportion of
Correct article usage
the Malaysia
show examples
Malaysia
Replace the word
Malaysian
show examples
population
Use synonyms
standed
Correct your spelling
stood
 at the
second,
Linking Words
with 30% in 1970,
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 stages have witnessed the fluctuation
dramatically
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, predictions for 2040, the figure will have an increase. Regarding the remaining segment, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
population
Use synonyms
 in
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 first start is lower than others, just under 20% in 1970. Noticeably, the number of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Indonesia
show examples
Indonesia
Use the right word
Indonesian
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 has risen
fast
Rephrase
rapidly
show examples
, and its figure will account for approximately 60% in 2040,
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
role
Correct article usage
the role
show examples
 of the
second
Use the right word
second-largest
show examples
 country.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Thailand
Use synonyms
 has remained stable and
fewer
Change preposition
with fewer
show examples
fluctuation
Fix the agreement mistake
fluctuations
show examples
, with
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 point in 2040, just at 40%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, thailand, indonesia, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • cities
  • Asian countries
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • estimations
  • urban
  • increasing
  • steadily
  • Japan
  • China
  • rise
  • urbanization
  • South Korea
  • India
  • upward trend
  • slow pace
  • surpass
  • resided
  • projected
  • moderate increase
  • significant surge
  • exceed
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