Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In modern days, many
successfull
individuals Correct your spelling
successful
were grown
up from a poorer family background, with resilience and Wrong verb form
grow
problem solving
skills largely demonstrated since their younger life stages showing that wealth is a factor impacting Add a hyphen
problem-solving
children
to solve problems. This
paper aims to assess different views in
the correlation Change preposition
on
of
wealth and Change preposition
between
problem solving
ability based on a variety of ideas and personal insights.
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
Firstly
, with the lack of wealth poorer families
can provide to
their Change preposition
for
offsprings
, I believe it is essential for these Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
children
to face more challenges in their younger lives
. According to
a
research conducted by the University of Liverpool, youngsters from a financially disadvantaged background are twice as likely to have a Correct article usage
apply
part time
job than their Add a hyphen
part-time
peer
in the middle class, or 5 times more than someone from the upper class. Entering the workforce Fix the agreement mistake
peers
in
an early stage, in my Change preposition
at
opinion
these Add a comma
opinion,
grassroot
teenagers are effectively Correct your spelling
grassroots
equipping
with interpersonal skills, communication skills and work experience to solve the potential problems which they will face in the future.
Wrong verb form
equipped
Secondly
, with the abundance in
resources Change preposition
of
children
from affluent families
are more likely to receive comprehensive support and assistance from other family members or supportive individuals associated from
the family. With more capital, wealthy parents often have a clear plan and instructions Change preposition
with
on
their Change preposition
for
children
and are able to provide a variety of circumstances and opportunities for their success. For example
, rich parents often obtain an extensive career network acting as a shortcut for their children
's employment, eliminating their chances in dealing with the overwhelming job-hunting process which normal youngsters are coping with.
Although
richer kids appeared to have lesser
challenges in Correct word choice
fewer
early
stages of their Correct article usage
the early
lives
, many upper-class parents believed that their children
are
facing different sets of problems, Wrong verb form
were
such
as inheriting a large business or dealing with a large amount of money. However
, in the list of wealthy people in the world
many of these individuals Add a comma
world,
are
originated from poorer Unnecessary verb
apply
families
, where
I believe that they have proven their Correct word choice
and
ablity
to overcome a significant amount of Correct your spelling
ability
problem
and Fix the agreement mistake
problems
crisis
in their Fix the agreement mistake
crises
lives
to have such
an achievement today.
All in all, growing up in poorer families
is apparently beneficial for young people to build resiliency to deal with uncertainties in their lives
. I would suggest younsters
with affluent family backgrounds should remain humble and keen in seeking Correct your spelling
youngsters
advices
and hear stories of success from people growing up in Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
disadvantagous
circumstances, in order to enrich Correct your spelling
disadvantaged
the
ability in Change the word
their
problem solving
and Add a hyphen
problem-solving
remian
resilient in future crises.Correct your spelling
remain
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task achievement
You did a great job of introducing the topic and presenting clear ideas. Your use of specific examples, like the University of Liverpool study, adds credibility to your argument.
task achievement
While your main points are well-supported, ensure that each paragraph has a strong, clear main idea. Some of your sentences are a bit long and could benefit from being broken up for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are clearly established to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
You have done well to include both perspectives—children from poorer families and those from wealthier families. Make sure to keep your argument balanced throughout, as this strengthens your overall point.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
supported main points
Your use of specific examples, like the research study, adds depth and relevancy to your discussion.
complete response
You have adequately covered multiple dimensions of the argument, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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