IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In recent years many governments has brought in laws to ban smoking in public places, such as bars, restaurants and offices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with banning smoking in public places?

#years #governments #laws #ban #places #bars #restaurants #offices
Nowadays,
adiction
Correct your spelling
addiction
of
Change preposition
to
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 smoking is increasing rapidly and producing high
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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 to public health. To control smoking many different governments
has
Change the verb form
have
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 banned smoking
on
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in
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 public places. I strongly agree that it
shoulb
Correct your spelling
should
 be banned.
To begin
 with, the increasing health issues among people is a
worry
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worrying
show examples
 factor. Recently, a survey by a news agency
name
Replace the word
named
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 The Tribune claimed that
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of cancer
due to
 smoking
and
Correct word choice
apply
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influenced people by 43%.
This
 huge number is a
worry
Change the verb form
worrying
show examples
 factor for the upcoming generation and the government as well.
Hence
, governments should ban the sale of these harmful products and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 consumption. Another reason is the consumption of
this
 dangerous drug in public places
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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 other young people.
For example
, a recent article by
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Hemat, a social activist wrote that around 10 years back only 1%
per
Change preposition
of
show examples
 youth were smoking and now 23% of youth are addicted and the reason they gave is that they got
this
 addictive change from
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 friends.
Moreover
, in our
society
Add a comma
society,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 saw a group of boys who never smoke but addicted now
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 to taste it from their other friend circle.
Therefore
, it must be stopped.
Conclusion
Change preposition
In conclusion
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, I would like to assert that, smoking is highly dangerous and
influencing
Wrong verb form
influences
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 youth,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 should
be immediately ban
Change the verb form
be immediately banned
show examples
 in public places to stop its rapid growth.
Submitted by hiteshpaul on

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task achievement
Try to further develop and support your main points with more specific examples or evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy and diversify your sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability. For example, 'Addiction to smoking' instead of 'adiction of smoking'.
coherence cohesion
Work on expanding your vocabulary and using a variety of language. This will improve the overall impression of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid framework for your argument.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to illustrate your points, which helps to clarify your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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