Technology has created new types of hobbies. Nowadays, many children spend much time playing computer games or mobile games. What problems are associated with this? What are some possible solutions?

Technology advancement has brought various new hobbies particularly related to computer and mobile arcades.
This
situation has caused many
children
to spend a considerable amount of
time
on their screens to finish their
games
, leading to a sedentary lifestyle and addiction.
This
essay will look at those problems and the possible solutions to them. One of the noticeable problems is that
children
have a sedentary lifestyle
that is
inevitably harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
their health.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
is because the
children
spend most of their
time
sitting
while
playing video
games
on their gadgets. As the
children
do not move a lot, they gain extra weight
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is the main cause of obesity for
children
.
Besides
,
children
are addicted to their
games
.
This
addiction is scientifically proven to be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
their brain development particularly parts of the brain which regulate their emotional intelligence and metabolic response. To tackle the above issues, parents need to limit their
children
's
time
spent
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
games
on the screens. The parents can control their
children
by creating a strict schedule that allocates limited
time
for them to use their
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
.
For instance
,
children
are only allowed to use their computer or mobile phone at home for one or two hours. If they do not obey the rules, they must be given certain punishments
such
as doing
house’s
Change noun form
house
show examples
chores.
Additionally
, the way forward could be for parents to create an interesting activity for the
children
that involves hands-on experience so they can be active and
hence
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
their health.
This
can be done by encouraging and pushing their
children
to follow outside class activities
such
as dancing class. By following dancing lessons the
children
can move a lot and be creative with their moves. Not only that, they
also
will socialize and make friends with their peers. In summary,
children
spending more
time
on computers has caused issues including
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle and addiction that damage their brain. To tackle the problems
children
can limit their
children
's computer usage and encourage their
children
to be active by following dancing class.
Submitted by raymond.sebastianvl on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay provides logical structuring, improve the flow between paragraphs. Use topic sentences more effectively to introduce each paragraph's main idea.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on examples and connect them clearly to the main points being discussed. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the argument effectively.
task achievement
The problems and solutions are addressed comprehensively, indicating a good understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as limiting screen time and enrolling in dancing classes, are relevant and well-chosen to illustrate the points discussed.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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