IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity si used ni an average English home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity si used ni an average English home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line chart illustrates the average power consumed in a 24-hour period during winter and summer in England. The pie chart displays the various purposes for which
this
Linking Words
 electricity is utilized.
Overall
Linking Words
, the power
consumption
Use synonyms
 in winter is significantly higher than that required in summer for each hour of the
day
Use synonyms
. The highest share of the total electricity is needed to heat up rooms and water. During winters, a typical
day
Use synonyms
 starts with a demand of around 35,000
units
Use synonyms
 fluctuating between the levels of 30,000 and 40,000
units
Use synonyms
 till 8 in the morning, until it starts to sharply
rise
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reaching its peak
consumption
Use synonyms
 of nearly 45,000 at around 9
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
night.
This
Linking Words
 demand gradually falls to approximately 35,000
units
Use synonyms
 as the
day
Use synonyms
 comes to an end. Contrarily, in summers, the initial 9 hours experience a drop in
consumption
Use synonyms
 starting the
day
Use synonyms
 with approximately 18,000
units
Use synonyms
, increasing steadily to just over 20,000 around 1 in the afternoon. The
consumption
Use synonyms
 stays stable for the rest of the
day
Use synonyms
 at nearly 18000
units
Use synonyms
. Nearly half of the
overall
Linking Words
consumption
Use synonyms
 can be attributed to heating rooms and water. The second largest
consumption
Use synonyms
 of nearly
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 is
due to
Linking Words
 appliances like ovens, kettles, and washing machines. The least amount of power, at 15% each, is used for tools like lighting, TV, radio,
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaners, food mixers, and electric appliances.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, day, units with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: