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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries' percentage share of Brazil's economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries' percentage share of Brazil's economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates five industries that shared Brazil’s economy over 10 years with expectations for the upcoming 10 years.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 finance is increasing steadily.
in contrast
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, manufacturing is decreasing steadily. The other industries fluctuate over the same time span.
According to
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 what is shown, Finance started
with
Change preposition
at
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 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 2009
then
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 reached 35 in 2019 and the prediction is to increase by the
remain
Change the verb form
remaining
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 to reach nearly 40 in 2029.
While
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 manufacturing begins at over 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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then
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 it dropped to about 15 in 10 years and it is
Add an article
a projection
the projection
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projection
Replace the word
projected
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 to its sharp decline.
On the other hand
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, food processing and oil,coal and gas started in 10 % and 25%
then
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 they peaked in 2019 and will return back to the same place as it started.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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tourist
Replace the word
tourism
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 was
in
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at
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 its highest point
then
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 it
Add a missing verb
was beleived
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beleived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 stabilized.
Submitted by danall1kat on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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