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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #information #cinema #attendance #uk #summarise #features #comparisons
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The current diagram shows data on
cinema
attendance
 in the United Kingdom.
Overall
,people
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
 between 14-24
was visiting
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 often in 2010,but there was a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 increase
up
Change preposition
of up
show examples
 to 20% in 2010.Another
age
group
 24-34 started with more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 20%
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
attendance
 in 1990 and went up to almost 35%
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
age
group
 between 34-44 was going to the
cinema
 quite a lot at the beginning,but in 2000
attendance
 decreased
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 30%.
However
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010 was the most visited year.The
last
group
 on the graph with the
age
group
 between 44-54.In 1995
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attendance
 was stable
Change preposition
at aroud
show examples
aroud
Correct your spelling
around
 40%
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
,
furthermore
 in 2000
it's even
Verb problem
it
show examples
 decreased dramatically down to 30%
percent
.
Besides
 a decrease in 2000,the
overall
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 that visited
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2000 and 2010 increased
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 50%
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
 reached
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
attendance
. To summarize,people
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 visit the
cinema
 but every time it may vary.
Submitted by ayhanhuseynov13 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, attendance, age, group, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • increase
  • decrease
  • anomaly
  • trend
  • pattern
  • attendance
  • cinema-goers
  • audience
  • peak
  • decline
  • increment
  • fluctuation
  • baseline
  • societal changes
  • technological advancements
  • external factors
  • economic conditions
  • home entertainment
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