IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #information #cinema #attendance #uk #summarise #features #comparisons
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The current diagram shows data on
cinema
Use synonyms
attendance
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom.
Overall
Linking Words
,people
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 between 14-24
was visiting
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 often in 2010,but there was a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 increase
up
Change preposition
of up
show examples
 to 20% in 2010.Another
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 24-34 started with more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 20%
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
attendance
Use synonyms
 in 1990 and went up to almost 35%
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 between 34-44 was going to the
cinema
Use synonyms
 quite a lot at the beginning,but in 2000
attendance
Use synonyms
 decreased
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 30%.
However
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010 was the most visited year.The
last
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 on the graph with the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 between 44-54.In 1995
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attendance
Use synonyms
 was stable
Change preposition
at aroud
show examples
aroud
Correct your spelling
around
 40%
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
,
furthermore
Linking Words
 in 2000
it's even
Verb problem
it
show examples
 decreased dramatically down to 30%
percent
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
 a decrease in 2000,the
overall
Linking Words
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 that visited
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2000 and 2010 increased
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 50%
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
 reached
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
attendance
Use synonyms
. To summarize,people
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 visit the
cinema
Use synonyms
 but every time it may vary.
Submitted by ayhanhuseynov13 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, attendance, age, group, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • increase
  • decrease
  • anomaly
  • trend
  • pattern
  • attendance
  • cinema-goers
  • audience
  • peak
  • decline
  • increment
  • fluctuation
  • baseline
  • societal changes
  • technological advancements
  • external factors
  • economic conditions
  • home entertainment
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