The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.  Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.  Write at least 150 words.   (20 mins.)
The two
pie
charts demonstrate the online shopping sales for retail
sectors
in Canada between 2005 and 2010.
According to
the
pie
charts, the
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
of each retail
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
are pretty close to each other
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in 2005.
As the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
pie
chart shows the highest
percentage
of retail
sectors
in 2005, which is electronics & appliances that have 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and the lowest
percentage
of retail
sectors
in 2005, which is video games
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
18
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. As
it refers
Wrong verb form
referred
show examples
to the graph, the
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
of the highest and the lowest
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
only 17
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
apart, which can be
cleanly
Replace the word
clearly
show examples
seen that the
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
of each retail
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
are pretty close to each other and
doesn’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
don’t
show examples
make much of a difference.
According to
the
pie
charts, in 2005 the
percentage
of 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of electronics & appliances is the highest
percentage
of retail
sectors
among the other but suddenly has a 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
drop in 2010.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
show examples
the
percentage
of electronics & appliances
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
second to the highest in 2010 and leading the way to the highest is now food & beverage with 32
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the
percentage
of home furnishing in 2005
that has
Verb problem
was
show examples
25
percent
, which results
to be
Change preposition
in being
show examples
second to the highest in 2005.
However
, in 2010 the
percentage
of home furnishing
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased a lot and resulted
to be
Verb problem
in
show examples
the lowest
percentage
in 2010 with
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
percent
drop and resulted with only 15
percent
in 2010.
This
can be seen that the needs of these retail
sectors
are lower compared to the
percentage
in 2005.
Overall
, the
percentage
of each retail
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
in 2005
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased in 2010 except for the
percentage
of video games and food & beverage, which
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased from 22
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in 2005 to 32
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and resulted to be the highest in 2010 followed by video games that has increased from 18
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
to 23
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in 2010.
This
can be seen that the needs of these retail
sectors
are higher compared to the
percentage
in 2005.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, sectors, percentage, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 15 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

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